Just Want To Love You
by dakota1013
Summary: Spoiler Alert: Missing scenes from Holden's Manifesto & Pornstar's Requiem. What happens when a certain missing best friend/partner bumps into Olivia while she is at the hospital with Noah?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Spoiler Alert missing scenes from Holden's Manifesto. What happens when a certain missing best friend/partner bumps into Olivia while she is at the hospital with Noah?

**Author Notes: **So this is my first SVU story and I haven't seen every episode of the series so I'll apologize upfront if the characters seem out of character or I may have screwed up details or the timeline. It's also been a while since I wrote my last story, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are totally my fault. After watching the first six seasons of the show, I find it extremely hard to believe like many others that Elliot would leave Olivia and never have any contact with her again. Therefore I have several stories running around my mind about how things should have played out. This happens to be the one yelling at me the loudest.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story.

* * *

><p>"Just breathe, baby. Mommy's here. Just breathe." That is the mantra that Olivia Benson had been saying repeatedly to her foster son, Noah, since she had rushed to the hospital Saturday night to find him with a spiked fever and gasping for a breathe.<p>

As Olivia stared at Noah, she couldn't help but wish that there was something more she could do. She wanted to hold him so much. He had to be so scared. She was scared. She hadn't felt this helpless in a hospital since the last time she was here waiting to hear whether Elliot would be ok or not. Damn her mind. Why did she keep thinking about him, Elliot Stabler, more and more lately? Hadn't she finally put him behind her? Well that answer was easy...NO. There would never be any closure unless they finally talked and the likelihood that would happen was next to never. She had given up trying to contact him since it appeared he didn't want to be found. And while she needed him she wasn't going to appear desperate for any man.

With one final look at her son and a whispered goodbye for now, Olivia walked out of the intensive care and back to the family waiting area hoping to find the doctor. Unfortunately she was so lost in her thoughts, she crashed into the strong body of another person instead.

"I'm sorry ma'am. Are you ok?" the gentleman asked as his hands reached out to steady her to make sure Olivia didn't stumble to the ground.

That voice she would remember until her last breathe which may be her current one. Her imagination must be running away with her because she wanted to see him so badly. With the last bit of her strength, she looked up to stare into the bluest eyes she had ever seen and into the face of the man that had stolen her heart so long ago.

"El," she forced out of her mouth as tears started streaming down her face.

Realization came to Elliot at the same time and he wasted no time in pulling her fully into his arms. There was no hesitation from Olivia as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her head into his neck.

Who knows how long they stood there but it was apparent to those who passed by that those two never wanted to let go. Elliot was trying to memorize the feel of having Liv in his arms again before she realized that she should be pissed off at him. Meanwhile Liv didn't care what caused him to be here she was just happy to finally be back in his presence.

Elliot reluctantly pulled back so he could take another look to reassure himself she was really here but she wouldn't look up at him. He could tell she was either worried that he would disappear or that she would appear weak. With his right hand, he gently tilted her face upwards and then used both hands to dry the tears still leaking from her beautiful brown eyes but they didn't shine as brightly as he remembered.

"Liv...Liv...I've thought about this moment for so long...but now that it's here I have...I don't...God...I'm so sorry…," he trailed off.

The anger he had always expected didn't come only more tears that he wiped away with his thumbs. When she continued to just stare, he knew something was wrong more than just the time which had separated them for so long.

"Liv, what's wrong? Why are you here in the pediatric wing? Is it a case?"

She finally snapped out of her dream and whispered, "No. Noah."

"Noah? Your son?" Elliot asked.

Confusion was clearly written on her face when she said "How did you know?"

Shit Elliot thought. Elliot figured if he wanted to fix things with Liv he might as well start to come clean. "The chief happened to mention it to me"

"The chief?" Olivia was very confused. Why would Elliot be talking to the chief?

"Liv, I'll explain everything I promise but let's focus on Noah right now," Elliot said as he tried to deflect the conversation away from his knowledge of Noah and back to how Noah was doing.

Elliot took her by the hands and led her to the small coach along the outer wall. He took a seat on one of the cushions and then pulled her down next to him. Now that he had touched her he wasn't going to let go so he kept her by his side and interlaced their fingers.

"They don't know what's wrong. They are still running tests to find out why he's having a hard time breathing. El, he's in there fighting for each breath and there isn't anything I can do. I can't even hold him...touch him."

"Sweetheart, he is in the best place possible right now."

"But what if they don't find anything or they can't fix what is wrong?"

"You need to think positive. He's strong. He's a fighter. He's going to make it," Elliot says as he pulls her into his arms.

Only a few seconds go by before Olivia's phone goes off again. While she would love to ignore it, she knows that she must answer it even if it means she has to pull out of the arms of the man she has been in love with for over the last decade. Liv reluctantly pulls back and pulls out her phone.

"Benson"

As Olivia recognizes the voice of Amaro, she stands up and starts going over the latest updates on their case.

Elliot watched Liv as she moved away while talking to someone from the station. It was amazing to watch her go from a worried parent to Sergeant Benson. She was beautiful as ever but he could see the fatigue and worry hanging heavy on her. When he woke up today he never imagined that his one desire to see her again would come true. He had spent so much time away from her he had no idea how to bridge the gap any more but maybe this chance meeting would be exactly what he needed to fix their relationship and move it into the direction he longed for.

Elliot continued to look on as Liv moved out of his sight. There were so many thoughts churning in his head but they flew out the door when he caught sight of Liv walking back towards him. He quickly stood and braced himself for whatever it was that had Liv on the verge of tears.

"Liv, what is it?"

"The doctor says the problems are related to abuse Noah suffered probably shortly after he was born...multiple broken ribs which is now manifesting itself in the form of breathing issues for Noah. She wants to do more tests to be proactive. We'll know more once they come back," she says while trying to hold the tears at bay. "Unfortunately I can't stay because Chief Dodds wants an update on the latest case so I have to head back to the house."

Elliot was pissed. How could anyone hurt an innocent child? The urge to hit something was strong but he knew he had to keep himself under control for Liv.

"Sweetheart, he's in good hands. They'll figure out how to help Noah and we'll ensure everything is done to help him so that he grows up big and strong." The temptation to pull Olivia back into his arms was too hard to ignore any longer so he enveloped her into his arms.

Olivia knows she should pull away but after all of this time she doesn't want to leave the safety of his arms or run the risk of not seeing him again. While they had shared a few hugs over the course of their partnership, none had ever felt this good but she needed to know what was going on here.

Liv pulled back so she could look at Elliot but didn't leave the circle of his arms. "Elliot, what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"El, I haven't see you in years and while I appreciate the support I need to know what's really going on here. Why are you even here?"

"I'm here to see Maureen."

"Oh no! Is she ok? Does she have a baby here too?"

Only Olivia, Elliot thinks. She's worried about Noah and the Chief is breathing down her neck but she is still worrying about others. "No. No. She's fine. She works here in the hospital as a perinatal nurse. We were going to have lunch but I ran into this gorgeous woman who looked like she needed a friend," Elliot says with a small smile.

"She's probably worried you haven't shown up yet. You better go."

"Actually I was walking around burning time waiting for her. She was still helping with a delivery when I went to find her earlier. She'll ring my phone when she is free and ready to go."

"You must be proud"

"I am. Kathy and I managed to not screw her up too much."

With the mention of Kathy's name, a knife was twisted into her heart. She would give anything to be in Kathy's place and married to Elliot. "I'm sorry. I didn't even ask. How is Kathy and the rest of the kids?"

"The kids are good. Eli is growing like a weed. He's going to eat me out of house and home. Kathy is doing well. She and her husband live in Virginia."

"Elliot, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I should have kept my mouth shut." Olivia felt bad for bringing up what were probably painful memories of his failed marriage but that knife which was lodged in her heart just a few seconds ago was suddenly gone and there was now a spark of hope.

"Liv, its fine. We are better friends now than we were spouses at the end. I know you probably have a million questions and I want to answer each of them but I have a feeling the Chief isn't going to wait forever."

"Shit! I can't believe I forgot he is waiting. Damn I don't want to leave Noah or you," she whispers.

"Go. Noah is in good hands and I promise it won't be three years until we see each other again," he said as he tried to convey with his eyes his sincerity and love.

Liv could tell El meant it but there was something else she couldn't quite decipher. If she only had more time instead of needing to get back. "Ok"

As she turned to go, El pulled her into one more quick hug and added a kiss to her cheek. Before she could fully respond he was pushing her towards the exit, "Go and save New York, Benson" he said with a cheeky grin.

With one final look and a shy smile she practically ran from the room praying Noah would be fine and that sexy man would want to be a part of her crazy life again.

Elliot was still staring at the exit Olivia bolted through when he hears, "Dad". He turns around to see his first born standing in front of him looking just as beautiful as the first time he laid eyes on his baby girl.

"Hey sweetheart. Ready for some lunch?"

"Yeah but how did you end up down here. You usually wander up to check out the nursery." Maureen could tell something had happened but she wasn't sure what but for the first time in a long time her dad looked like the weight of the world wasn't pressing down on him.

"I'm not sure honey. I found myself taking a right instead of going left and I ended up here and bumped into a goddess," Elliot said.

"What? Have you been drinking?"

"Not a drop in years. I ran into Liv," he says with a smile. "She has a son...the little guy is in here."

"Olivia? She's here? Maureen says with so much hope in her voice but it turns to worry in the next breath. "Oh my God! Is her son ok?"

"They are running tests but if he is anything like Liv he's a fighter"

Maureen could tell her father was worried about the baby and she knew how much he missed and cared for Liv which meant he was already head over heels in love with this little guy too. "Did you get a chance to see him with Liv?"

"No, she was headed back to the station when I bumped into her."

"Do you want to take a quick peek? You would need to scrub up and wear a gown but I could take you back real quick."

Elliot lit up at the prospect of seeing baby Noah. "Are you sure? As much as I would love to see him, I don't want to get you in trouble or make things worse for him or Liv."

"No worries. Melany is on duty she'll let us take a peek at the little guy."

"Ok. Let's do this."

Maureen led her father back into the intensive care area and helped him get ready. Once scrubbed of possible germs and covered in a protective gown they headed into Noah's room.

Elliot couldn't believe all of the medical equipment monitoring the little man. He looked so small next to everything but even in his weakened state he could see how Liv had fallen for Noah. He was adorable and when he opened his eyes to look right into Elliot's he stole his heart as well.

"Hey little man. I'm Elliot. I'm an old friend of your mom's. She told me you weren't feeling so hot so I had to come see you. I'm sorry I haven't been around before but I promise you I'm here to stay now. You and I are going to make sure your mom has the life she has always wanted and deserves which means I'm going to help make sure you get better and get every opportunity to grow up and be whatever you want to be." Elliot whispered to Noah.

Maureen had tears in her eyes as she watched the two interact. Noah never took his eyes off of Elliot and it seemed like his soothing voice was calming to Noah because his breathing was easier now.

Elliot reluctantly said, "Ok, Noah you concentrate on getting better and I'll work on helping your mom. And we will take you home as soon as we can. Take care and I love you." With those words he stood up and watched Noah take one more look at him before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep for some much needed rest.

Elliot turned to Maureen with tears in his eyes to see her silently crying. "Come on sweetheart let's let him sleep while we grab some lunch," he said as he pulled his girl into a hug.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Notes: **Wow. I'm absolutely floored by all the reviews, follows and favorites for the first chapter. I'm sorry I haven't responded to all the comments yet but hopefully you won't mind that I worked on this chapter first before sending out the replies. I also hope you like the 2nd chapter as much as the first. I'll try to post as quickly as I can but with work and training sometimes they can get in the way so I'm just going to apologize up front for taking too long.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story.

At lunch with Maureen yesterday, she had promised to keep him informed on how little Noah was doing. And true to her word, she had sent updates periodically through her shift. Noah was making improvements but the doctors wanted to continue to monitor him over the next few days. Mo had even sent a text saying Liv was there visiting last night. Elliot wanted to be there with her but there was no way he could get away.

After a long night and early morning at work, all Elliot wanted to do was go home and crash for a few hours but his heart and body were at odds. He needed to check on Noah before he knew he would be able to get some much needed rest.

As he strode through the intensive care unit, he overheard a phone conversation on the well-being of Noah. El quickly realized it was Noah's social worker "discussing" the situation with Liv. While he could only hear one side of the conversation, he knew it had to be killing her and the threat at the end of the call was the last straw for Elliot. No one talked to Liv like that. Noah couldn't have a better mother and it was about time this woman knew it.

Elliot walked up to the social worker and said, "Excuse me, ma'am."

The woman looked up at the sound of Elliot's voice, "Yes?"

"I'm sorry but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You didn't happen to be discussing Noah Benson were you?" Elliot questioned.

"I'm sorry that's confidential, sir." The social worker said as she started to walk away.

With that Elliot pulled out his NYPD shield and said, "ma'am my name is Detective Stabler and I don't think you have all the facts on this case."

The social worker was a little taken back by Elliot's response but she quickly regained her composure and said, "Detective, if you have information on how this baby sustained his injuries then you need to tell me and you can call me Ms. Jackson."

"Ms. Jackson, unfortunately I don't have any new information on that but I wish I did. The people responsible should be held accountable and if I ever find out then I will make sure of that," Elliot stated with a fresh wave of anger rolling off of him.

"Well if you don't have any further information I'm not sure what help you can provide, Detective."

"Ma'am, my information is in regards to his foster mother Olivia Benson. I don't think you have a clear picture of her situation."

With a huff Ms. Jackson said, "Oh, I'm well aware of the deficiencies in her care of Noah."

Before she could continue, Elliot interrupted her tirade, "with all due respect, she is the best thing that ever happened to that little boy."

Ms. Jackson wasn't to be persuaded easily though and she jumped back into the fray, "Then were exactly is she? Why isn't she with her foster child?"

"Sergeant Benson would love nothing more to be here right now but unfortunately she was called away to help with a current investigation." Elliot wasn't sure how to win Jackson over but he had to make her understand that everything wasn't as black and white as she thought.

"While I'm sure it's important we are talking about her son's well-being here." Ms. Jackson argued.

"Yes, we are and she is making sure he receives the best treatment he can get. She was here all night with him and when she had to leave she made sure a close family friend was here to make sure Noah wasn't alone. She would have never left if it wasn't imperative that she help lead her squad to find a madman who is escalating and hurting young women in New York. If she doesn't find him soon only God knows how many more people he will hurt or even kill. And as soon as she can she will be right back here with Noah. She loves him more than you could ever know or understand," Elliot states passionately.

"Sounds like you think you know it all about Olivia and Noah." Ms. Jackson goes on to say.

"No, but I know the one thing she has ever wanted was a child and now that she has one she will go to the ends of the universe to make sure that little boy is healthy and loved."

Ms. Jackson finally ignores the various commotion of the hospital and really takes a good look at Elliot. While she has never seen him before, she can see the love he has for Noah and his foster mother clearly on his face but why hasn't she seen him or heard Olivia talk about him during her visits before. She needs to know more about this man, "And what would you do, Detective Stabler? What is your interest in this? I don't normally have complete strangers tell me what a great foster parent someone is without some personal involvement."

"You are right. I'm not a complete stranger. I've known Sergeant Benson a long time but unfortunately I've been away recently. My only wish right now is to see Noah healthy and going home with Olivia and I'll do anything to see that happen."

For Ms. Jackson, it was easy to see that Elliot Stabler was not a man you wanted to cross. "I see. Well, Detective, I know I may have seen harsh on the phone but I do really have the best intentions for Noah and under the law I need to document everything. However I nor the state of New York have any plans to remove Noah from Miss Benson's care. Should I assume I will be seeing more of you, sir?"

"I hope so. I really hope so," Elliot says as he takes the first real breath since this conversation started.

As Elliot watches Ms. Jackson leave, he hopes he hasn't made things worse. He finally pulls himself out of his thoughts and heads to the nursing station where Melany is standing. "Hi Melany."

"Hi Mr. Stabler," the young brunette nurse said.

"Please, Elliot"

With a nod, she says, "Elliot, Maureen mentioned to me that you may come back. Do you want to go see Noah?"

With a smile on his face, Elliot says "Yes, please but I need a few minutes first to call someone."

Melany could guess who that lucky someone was. "Of course. I'm here for a few more hours so just stop by when you are ready and tell Miss Benson Noah is doing great."

With a smirk and a positive shake of his head, Elliot pulls his phone out of his pocket as he walks away from the nursing station to find some place quit to talk. When he finds a quiet corner, he dials the one number he would never forget.

Meanwhile at the precinct, Olivia's phone begins to ring again which brings her out of her current thoughts. Olivia wonders what could be up now. After talking to the social worker and Dodds, she didn't know if she could handle any more discussions. When she looked at her phone, she didn't recognize the number and while normally she would have let it to go to voicemail with Noah in the hospital she picked it up instead.

"Benson," Olivia growled into the phone.

At the sound of her voice, El was lost. Hearing her voice was like hearing the angels sing but with an edge of pissed of righteousness.

"This is Benson. Is anyone there? Hello?"

El finally found his voice and uttered, "I'm here. Can you hear me, Liv?"

"El," Olivia said. She was relieved to hear from Elliot actually she was almost giddy.

Elliot could hear the strain in her voice so he tried to lightened, "Yeah, it's me. I told you it wouldn't be three years until you heard from me again."

"I'm glad you kept your promise." Olivia said as her mind flashed back to his beloved face from this weekend.

"Always…Sweetheart what's wrong?" Has something happened with Noah?"

"No…Yes…I don't know," she says in a huff of frustration.

Melany had said Noah was doing great so it's likely Olivia's frustration was coming from dealing with a certain new deputy chief Elliot thought. "Ok. Start at the beginning and tell me what's going on."

As much as Olivia loved talking to Elliot, she really wished he was there with her. Of course, she didn't have time for any of this right now which was leading to the frustration that was clearly heard in her voice, "El, I don't have a lot of time. Chief Dodds is questioning everything I do and the social worked called while he was ranting earlier. She wanted to know why I wasn't there and said she was going to put my absence in Noah's file. El, he's getting better but I'm so afraid they are going to take him away. I can't lose him."

"Liv, listen to me. No one is going to take that little boy away from you. They would have to be blind not to see how much you love him and would do anything for him. And don't listen to Dodds. He's just trying to throw his weight around. There is no one more qualified for your job than you and you will find the guy you are looking for."

"Damn, I missed you," Olivia says before she realizes she actually vocalized her thoughts. What the hell was she thinking telling him that?

"That's good to hear because I missed you too and we will get through this."

"You keep saying we a lot, Elliot"

"That's because I mean it. I know we still need to talk and we will as soon as Noah is okay and you catch this bastard. Plus you now have my number so you can call or text me day or night even if it's just to vent," he said.

Olivia had almost forgotten how well Elliot knew her and her fears. With a few choice words, he had just managed to eradicate a few of her biggest fears of having him back in her life. She really wanted to continue to talk to him but she needed to get back to the investigation. "Ok. El, I need to go."

Likewise Elliot wanted to continue to talk to Olivia but he knew she had a job to do and he needed to see Noah before he fell asleep on his feet. "I know. One more thing and then I'll let you go. I hope you are not mad but I have to admit I snuck in yesterday and saw Noah. He's beautiful Liv…just like his mommy. I know I should have asked you first but I had to see him and I'll warn you now that as soon as we hang up I'm paying your little guy another visit."

"El, I should probably be mad but knowing you are there makes being away a little easier. I want to be there so much but knowing that someone else is there makes it easier. You should know that one of my detective's mother, Mrs. Amaro, is there too," Olivia said. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she needed to warn Mrs. Amaro about Elliot and she knew that more people were possibly going to find out about Elliot being back sooner than the two of them wanted but there was nothing they could do about that now.

"Thanks for the heads up. I'll let you go so you can go be Badass Benson and find this guy."

"Tell Noah mommy loves him and I'll be there soon," Olivia said as her voice cracked.

Elliot didn't want her to feel any worse than she already did so he kept it simple as he said, "I will. Take care and be safe. Bye."

"Bye, El," Olivia whispered into the phone before hanging up.

Once the call had been disconnected, Elliot walked back to Melany so that he can see the little munchkin. Luckily with Noah's improved condition, he didn't need to wear the protective gown this time. As he walked in he was extremely grateful to also see that many of the monitoring machines had been removed and the baby was sleeping in a normal crib.

An older woman was seated next to Noah's crib but stood as Eliot moved farther into the room. "You must be Elliot," she said. "Olivia just sent me a quick text saying a friend would be stopping by to visit. I'm Cesaria Amaro, Nick Amaro's mother."

"Mrs. Amaro, it's a pleasure to meet you but I wish it was under better circumstances," Elliot said as he shook her hand.

"Likewise but he's doing much better than earlier and please call me Cesaria."

"Yeah, there were so many more machines the last time I was here."

"I know when I first came to relieve Lucy I was so worried about him and Olivia." Cesaria was paying close attention to Elliot but he wasn't giving much away to his involvement with Olivia and Noah.

"I just talked to Liv. It's definitely been a couple rough days for her."

The concern in Elliot's voice was clearly heard by Cesaria and by the look on Elliot's face when he mentioned Olivia's name she had a feeling he was more than just a friend. "More than just a few so it's great to see someone checking in on her. I've been worried about her since Brian and her broke up but maybe I don't need to worry anymore."

Leave it to a mother to figure out what was happening between Liv and him. "Cesaria, Olivia and I use to be partners. I'm hopeful we can be more but knowing how stubborn she can be it may take time."

"Well if you were partners I imagine you can be just as suborn probably even more."

"Too true," he said as he sat down in one of the chairs next to Noahs' bed. It looks like he just found an ally in Mrs. Amaro.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: **Everyone thank you so much for the feedback and the favorites/follows. I'm not sure if this chapter lives up to the other two. I've rewritten sections of this chapter multiple times and I'm still not sure if I like where it went but hopefully everyone else likes it. :)

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story.

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><p><em><strong>Special Victims Unit<strong>_  
><em><strong>Monday, September 15<strong>_

The case was finally wrapping up with only paperwork and probably therapy for Rollins. Damn. They could have taken Holden alive if Dodds hadn't been so determined to end everything as quickly as possible. Not only had they killed the young man but it was unlikely Amanda would be getting a good night's sleep anytime soon. Dodds had finally left the prescient and Olivia was closing up her office so she could head back to the hospital. She needed to see Noah, hold him and make sure he was ok. Before she headed out, she sent one last text hoping that maybe one other person may want to see Noah too.

_L: Case Closed. Heading back to the hospital._

_E: Have u eaten?_

_L: No. Just going to grab something hospital._

_E: Chinese?_

_L: :)_

_E: See u soon_

**_Mercy Hospital_**  
><strong><em>365 West 32nd Street<em>**  
><strong><em>Monday, September 15<em>**

Olivia was holding and talking to Noah as Elliot strode through the doorway carrying Chinese for the two of them. He was excited to see the little guy was awake and happy in his mother's arms.

"Wow! Look who is awake and happy," El says as he places the food on the side table and moves to stand in front of Liv.

"Yes, he is. He is doing much better the doctors said."

"Right before I left earlier they took off the remaining monitors so I was hopeful but seeing him now you could never guess how sick he was before." El lovely caresses the side of Noah's head. Noah looked towards El and leaned towards him silently begging to be held by the man.

Elliot reached forward and took Noah into his arms for the first time.

"Wow. He's usually more reserved around people especially men. He's just starting to warm up to Nick."

With a smile on his face, El said, "Well, we had a little man-to-man talk earlier."

"You did?"

"Oh yeah," El said with a gleam in his eyes.

"Are you trying to corrupt my son already?" Olivia says with a chuckle.

With a smirk El said, "Of course not"

Olivia shakes her head and says, "Right."

"I'm telling the truth. We just discussed the state of affairs and came to a manly agreement."

"Ok. That's fine have your little secret," she says with a smile on her face. As Olivia turns her attention towards the delicious aroma coming from the nearby food sack, her stomach let her know that it had been too long since her last meal.

Elliot chuckled at the noise and said, "Liv, why don't you dig in. I can keep this one entertained while you eat."

"El, you don't need to hold him. I can hold him while I eat that way you can grab some food too."

Noah looked quite content in Elliot's arms to him and he was enjoying holding the little boy too so he said, "I know but we are good. You relax, eat and tell me about your day."

Olivia had to admit to herself that her men did look good together. Her men? Where did that thought come from? Instead of delving into those questions right now, she decided to just enjoy the view and talk to El. "Well, I don't think relaxing and discussing my day exactly go hand in hand." She says as she sits down with a plate of food

"What happened?"

"Are you sure you want to know? El, we haven't even talked about what happened between us or you leaving so do you even care or want to get dragged back into my crazy world?"

"I know and we will fully discuss it but right now I want to help you relax. You've had some very stressful days and I know I haven't been there to help lighten the load but I want to fix that starting now," Elliot said as he continued to play with Noah in his arms.

"Ok but if anything gets too difficult tell me and we can move on."

"Deal," Elliot said as he tickled the little boy's side which earned him a smile from Noah and Olivia as she looked on.

"While none of the cases are ever routine or normal, this one was made so much worse by Deputy Chief Dodds questioning everything. I couldn't do anything right. I didn't want to deal with any of it either. I wanted to be here with Noah. He wouldn't even give me a moment to talk about Noah in private."

"Let me guess you didn't tell him exactly what was going on either."

Time may have separated them but Elliot still knew her well. "No. I couldn't. I've seen it before in guys like him. I didn't want to give him any excuses to question the department or me more than he was or even worse get rid of me."

"Liv, he would be crazy to get rid of you. NYPD is lucky to have you and would be screwed without you. There is no one better with the victims and the perps don't stand a chance."

"I don't think he cares. I know it wasn't going to be easy but damn that man pisses me off. I can handle the condescending attitude but we could have saved the kid. Rollins had him talked down but Dodds told SWAT to take the shot. Amanda was so close she was sprayed with his blood in the face. It's going to be awhile before she puts this one behind her."

"Liv, if you think it would help. I would be willing to talk to your detective."

Olivia looked at Elliot like he had grown a second head and asked, "What have you done with the real Elliot Stabler?"

Elliot gave a soft chuckle before saying, "I'm serious about wanting to help. I know I haven't been the most touchy feely person in the world but I know what's it like to not be able to save someone."

Olivia knew this probably wasn't the right place to have this conversation but she had waited so long to know what happened to her partner that she couldn't wait any longer. "El, what happened after the shooting?"

With those words, Elliot's head jerked up to face Olivia. He knew he would have to answer that question eventually but he thought he would have more time. Hell, he even kept mentioning they would talk about it in an attempt to delay the inevitable but he guessed the time had finally come. Hopefully after she knew the truth she would still want to at least talk to him.

With Noah still in his arms, Elliot began to talk, "After the shooting, I ended up driving around for a while with no destination in mind. I just needed to be alone so I could try and make some sense of it all. I finally found myself parked in front of my house but without any real answers.

"Cragen had called Kathy after I left the station and given her the bare minimum in details. He knew I probably wouldn't tell her anything but he figured she needed to at least know that there had been a shooting and I had killed someone to stop her from hurting anyone else.

"For once it seemed like she was honestly worried about me. She came out of the house, walked over to the car, helped me get out and ushered me into the house. She then asked me what happened. I didn't say anything at first but she kept pressing saying if we were going to make things work I needed to open up to her. Right. Things hadn't been working for so long why she was trying now I don't know. We were barely speaking to each other and I hadn't slept in the same bed with her in months."

Elliot shifted Noah on to his chest so he could be more comfortable as he started to drift off to dreamland. Once he was securely tucked under his chin, he began again, "Anyway she kept pushing and I finally just told her everything to make her stop. I told her how I couldn't save Jenna even though she was a victim I had sworn to protect. I told her she was about the same age as the twins and I had to shoot her to stop her from killing anyone else.

"I had been looking at her when I told her Jenna's age and watched her go from being understanding about the shooting to being upset. I could understand her being upset but then she asked where you were during all of this and I told her you were there as well. And then she made the jump in logic to 'So you shot a teenage victim to ensure Liv wasn't hurt. If it had been one of the kids, would you have done the same thing to make sure your precious Olivia wasn't hurt as well?'

"I was stunned. I couldn't believe she said that about the children. I told her she was wrong. Our kids would never open fire on a group of people but I guess that was the wrong thing to say. She accused me of picking you over the kids and her. She followed that up with a slap across my face right as Dickie walked into the house," Elliot said as he stood up to place the sleeping Noah back into his crib. As much as he loved holding the little guy, he didn't want his anger to disturb his sleep.

Elliot began to pace the small confines of the room as he continued to relay the details of his absence, "The look on Dickie's face when I turned to see him standing there was more than I could take. I didn't know what to say to fix it so for once I just kept my mouth shut and walked out the door and jumped in the car and drove away."

"El," Olivia whispered as tears started to run down her face.

"Pretty soon everything Kathy had said along with my thoughts were all jumbled up and I just wanted everything to go away for a while so I ended up at a local bar. I drank until I couldn't remember and then spent the night sleeping it off in my car because I didn't want to go home."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Olivia chocked out.

Elliot finally turned back to her and said, "Oh I wanted to. God I wanted to see you so much but I knew that would probably only make things worse. I was afraid you would either pity or hate me for what I had to do. I broke my own rule this time. I chose you over the victim because there was no way I could let you get hurt. I knew or at least I thought I knew that you would be pissed off at me after all the times I had read you the riot act that we couldn't do that.

"I went home once I sobered up the next day but I didn't get two feet into the house before Kathy started in on me about everything. She kept saying how much I had hurt Dickie by walking away. How he was scared by what he had heard I had done. None of the kids were there so I didn't know for sure whether she was telling the truth or not and I was too afraid to stick around to find out.

"I met with Cragen and Tucker later in the day and we went over everything from the shooting. IAB cleared me so I knew I could come back but I didn't know if I could walk into the station again. I couldn't deal with how everyone would probably treat me and ultimately I needed time away to deal with everything. I told Cragen I needed time to work through everything and he offered up a friend's name who might be able to help.

"Turns out his friend had a house down in Savannah that I could use to get away. I wasn't looking to completely leave the state but I figured a little time and space away from everything would probably be good."

"That makes perfect sense, El, but why didn't you ever come back until now?"

Elliot grabbed some food and took a seat on the coach again before continuing, "I was probably down there for three weeks before Cragen came calling and he brought a friend."

Olivia was almost afraid to ask, "Who else came with him?"

"Porter," he said with disgust before he took a few bites of food.

The shock was evident in Olivia's voice when she said, "What?"

"Yeah, I was shocked to see both of them. I didn't know what to expect but with Porter there I figured it couldn't be good and I was right. The FBI was running an undercover operation to try and bust a human trafficking ring but they had been unsuccessful with the previous agents trying to infiltrate the organization. Somehow the FBI had convinced our good commissioner that they needed the help of the SVU. They wanted one of two detectives for the job...I was one and you were the other. Cragen thought I would be the better option for the department since I may not be coming back after everything that had happened.

"After hearing about the undercover job, I knew that if I turned it down and they approached you with it there was no way you would turn it down. There were too many lives at stake for you to turn a blind eye to the problem. However hearing about the people running the ring, there is no way I was going to let you do this assignment so I said yes.

"I told them I would take it on two conditions though. One they had to tell you about the assignment so you would know where I was and two they had to keep me up to date on you. I may not have been able to walk back into the station in my current condition but I had no intentions of leaving you," Elliot said as he sat his empty plate down on the table.

Olivia walked over to the couch and took a seat next to Elliot. There were so many questions swirling in her mind she wasn't sure what to make of it all but one thing was for sure she needed to know more no matter how painful it may be. "El, I don't understand. Why am I just hearing about this now?" Olivia questioned as she took one of his hands in hers. She needed the contact to reassure herself that he was really there and she was pretty sure from the look on his face that he needed it as well.

"I know Sweetheart. I didn't know everything that was going on either. Before I started the assignment, Cragen promised me when the job was finished I would still have my job with the NYPD...either at SVU or in another department which made leaving a little easier. I figured in the next few weeks while working on the case I could figure out what I was going to do."

"Cragen told me you turned in your papers though."

"I wish I understood why he did that too, Liv. He was supposed to tell you that I had taken an undercover job and would be gone for a few weeks just like how we discussed it. If I would have known he planned to lie to you, I would have found a way to tell you myself about the operation," Elliot said as he added another item to his mental to do list. Even though he couldn't go back and change things he still planned to talk to Cragen to find out why he had lied to Liv.

"I never should have trusted Porter either. A few weeks turned into months and then a year went by with no end in sight. Porter still had a major thing for you which clouded his judgment when it came to my conditions for taking the job too. As I was getting deeper and deeper into the organization, Porter kept his word about telling me how you were doing but he didn't tell me everything. He made sure to include details like you dating David Haden and then Brian Cassidy. He actually took great pleasure in that. He left out a couple things though in his updates like the asshole Lewis taking you captive."

At the mention of Lewis' name, Liv went rigid. This was one of the biggest questions she had for Elliot. Why wasn't he there when she needed him most? She wasn't sure she was ready for the answer after hearing everything else but she held her breath waiting for his answer.

"Liv, you have got to believe me if I knew that bastard had taken you I would have been on the first plane back here in a heartbeat. You mean way too much to me than to stand by and do nothing."

Olivia could see even now how much El was still tortured by the fact he wasn't her to protect her from Lewis, "Where were you? It was all over the media. If you were anywhere near New York there is no way you could have missed it."

Elliot shook his head and looked towards the ground to gather his thoughts, "At the time of the initial kidnapping, I was in Mexico and then right before the trial I ended up in the hospital for a while. When I was finally release, I was flown back to New York because we thought the job was done. We had nailed the majority of the ring and the FBI said I could finally go home. I was home for less than 12 hours before they pulled me back in. During those few hours though, I was able to see the kids and Kathleen told me what happened with Lewis. It's probably a good thing Porter wasn't alone when he came to get me otherwise he would probably be dead. Needless to say his nose isn't quite as straight as it used to be and I owe Andy for keeping me from killing the rat bastard.

"I wanted to go see you before I had to leave again but the FBI wasn't having any of it. They actually placed me in restraints and wouldn't take them off until right before I had to make contact with the new leader of the trafficking ring. They figured it was the only way to make sure I didn't call, write or send up smoke signals to contact you.

"I finally wrapped shit up in a nice little bow for Porter and I'm done with now. I've been back for a couple weeks trying to get things in order...making up for time I missed with the kids, coming to terms with Kathy and the divorce, finding a new place and making sure Cragen paid up on his promise of still having a job. I wanted to make sure everything was in order before I tried fixing the biggest hole in my life but I guess I was taking too damn long because God stepped in this weekend and made sure I bumped into you. It looks like he was looking out for both of us."

"El, I don't even know what to say to all of this."

"And I don't expect you to say anything. I know it's going to take time to process everything I told you. I just hope that we can find some way to repair our friendship. I've had to live the last few years without you and that isn't a place where I ever want to be again."

"It is a lot to process but I can guarantee you that us not being friends isn't even an option. I've missed my best friend as well and now that he is back I'll fight like hell if anyone tries to take him away again," she said as she squeezed his hand tight. "I know you just gave me a brief summary too but I want to know the details though and I'm sure you have questions for me as well."

"All true. It's probably enough for tonight though. You need some rest and I need to check on a few things for work yet."

Elliot had barely completed his sentence before the door to Noah's room opened and in walked the night nurse. "I'm sorry to interrupt but visitor hours are over for the night. Ms. Benson, you can stay but your friend will need to leave for now."

"Thank you Beth." The nurse nodded and walked back out to her station.

With that announcement, both Elliot and Olivia stood up and moved over to the crib to check on Noah who had slept through their talk. Elliot watches Liv as she adjusts the light blanket over her baby boy and then carefully bends over and kisses Noah on the forehead. When Liv stands back up and looks at El, she can clearly see the love in his eyes. It's been an emotional night for them and as much as she knows they need to take things slow so they can rebuild their friendship there is one thing she needs to know. "El, I know I've asked a lot of you tonight but I have one more question for you."

"What is it?" He whispers.

"Is friendship all you are looking for between us?"

With those words, Elliot closes his eyes for a brief second. Is it possible she wants more? Is it too soon? Can he put words to his thoughts and emotions without scaring the hell out of her? All of these thoughts run through Stabler's mind as he tries to come up with a response. He opens his eyes to stare into the beautiful depths of Liv's face and says, "No. There is so much more that I want."

With just the tiniest smirk, Liv responds with "Good. Just wanted to make sure we are on the same page here," she says as she tries to alleviate some of the tension that had just skyrocketed between the two. As she tries to make her escape and step around Elliot to work on fixing up the couch for the night, she is stopped by an arm that snakes out and grabs a hold of her and spins her back in front of Elliot.

"I know it may seem to soon but I think 16 years is enough time to wait," and with those words Elliot leans forward into Olivia's space but pauses for a second to allow her one last chance to escape if this really isn't what she wants but the hesitation is unnecessary as Liv leans in and closes the final distance separating them.

The kiss is light and just a meeting of lips at first but as the urgency builds so does the heat. El's tongue runs along the seam of Olivia's lips begging for entrance which she grants almost immediately. As his tongue seeks out hers for an intimate dance, she moans into his mouth and her last rational thought of why did they wait so long flees her brain. El's right hand runs from her hip up her back to pull her closer to him and Liv's hands find their way to Elliot's neck to play with the short hair there.

Both of them can feel their arousals spiking out of control and while the kiss is amazing it's not nearly enough contact for either of them but before they totally loose themselves in the moment they pull back breathless from each other. They both know this is too important to rush. Elliot drops his forehead to Liv's and stares into her beautiful brown passion filled eyes. Liv can see all the passion and love she feels mirrored back to her in Elliot's eyes as well. Elliot knows that if he keeps staring at Liv he won't be able to stop from kissing her again and that will lead to more than they are ready for right now so he tucks her under his chin and holds her tight to allow them to regain some composure.

Elliot finally pulls back and says, "I don't want to leave you but it's probably for the best for now. You have some thinking to do and I need a cold shower," he chuckles before continuing. "When do you need to head into work tomorrow?"

The kiss has left Olivia slightly dazed so she has to think for a few seconds before responding, "I brought clothes with me and the nurses say I can use the showers here so I won't need to take off until around 8."

Elliot can't seem to stop touching her as he brushes a stray piece of hair behind her left ear, "How about I swing by at 7 with breakfast? That way I can check on the both of you before I have to head in as well."

With a small smile, Olivia responds, "That sounds nice."

"Ok. I'll see you then," and with those words he leans over and leaves a lingering kiss on Olivia's check before walking back over to Noah and kissing him on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning too little one." With one more look towards Liv, Elliot says "Bye" and he heads out the door.

Olivia watches Elliot leave and then tries to find a comfortable place on the couch to rest. She has so much to think about after everything he said tonight that sleep is unlikely to come any time soon. Of all the scenarios that has run through her mind about what happened after the shooting, she never would have guessed what Elliot told her tonight. Yeah, he could have done things differently but hindsight is 20/20.

She had held on to the anger and hurt for so long but all it took was one chance meeting this weekend to change all of that. There is no way she can deny her feelings for the man either and after that little kiss she knew Elliot and her were finally on the same page. For the first time since they met, they were both free to pursue a relationship and for once she wasn't going to deny what she wanted. She wanted a life with Elliot and she was going to figure out how to make that happened. She wanted that man in her life both in and out of bed...preferably in her bed as soon as possible.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I could end it here or I can keep going or maybe make this the first in a series of stories. What does everyone think? I have ideas on how to continue the story but it will probably a change in the rating to Mature. I will warn everyone that with Ironman Arizona coming up in a couple weeks updates will likely not come as quickly as I prepare for the crazy day (yes, I question my sanity daily on why I signed up for another Ironman).


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's notes: **Ok. Message received loud and clear. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I'm still floored at all the feedback. It brings great joy to my heart each time someone reviews. It also helps feed the plot monkey. I will be continuing on with this little story. For now it will remain with a T rating but may move into M but I'll give plenty of warning if that happens. I'm going to try and keep using the new episodes with this story. Hopefully the powers that be don't make that too difficult.

So this chapter is pretty sweet and fluffy hopefully no one minds. :)

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Mercy Hospital<br>365 West 32nd Street  
>Tuesday, September 16<p>

With coffee and a bag of pastries in his hands, Elliot walked through the door of Noah's hospital room. It had been late when Elliot had returned to his apartment but he wasn't able to sleep much after the talk with Liv last night. He had finally given up trying to sleep around 5:00 am and went for a run to try and calm his mind but all he managed to do was work up a good sweat since he was running harder than normal to make sure he was done with his normal route in plenty of time to get ready, pick up breakfast and head over to the hospital before needing to get to work.

At the sound of the door opening, Olivia turned towards the door with Noah in her arms. Olivia had also spent a sleepless night in the hospital. While it allowed Liv to make sure Noah slept well, it left her tired and irritable. To make matters worse, the couch did nothing for her back. She was pretty sure the cots in the cribs were luxury beds next to the couch she just slept on. To Liv, the sight of El with coffee was a sight for sore eyes and she let him know she was happy to see him with the large smile that appeared on her face when she recognized it was him.

"Good morning," Elliot said as he set everything down on one of the tables.

"Morning," Liv replied.

With his hands free, El moved over to Liv and Noah and wrapped his arms around them. A quick kiss to Noah's forehead and then a more lingering one to Liv's cheek was given before he said, "And how did my favorite people sleep last night?"

"Well this little one slept through the night but that couch wasn't meant for anyone to sleep on. Hopefully I can grab an hour or two in the cribs later today otherwise I'll need to mainline caffeine all day."

"I can help with the caffeine," Elliot said as he walked back over to pick up her coffee and brought it back to her.

"Thank you," Liv said as she took the cup from El and then took a sip of the heavenly brew. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Unfortunately not any better than you…too many thoughts running around in my head." Elliot wasn't sure if he wanted to go down that path right now so he quickly changed subjects. "Has the doctor been by yet?"

"No but the nurses said he'll do his rounds around noon today and then let me know when I can take Noah home. If everything looks good, I may be able to take him home tomorrow."

"That's great news!"

"Yes. I can't wait to get him home and back into this routine. Plus I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again," she said while trying to stifle a yawn.

"I bet."

Olivia walked over and placed Noah back in his crib to play and then headed back over to Elliot. While she dealt with Noah, El had laid out the breakfast food on the table by the couch so that they could start enjoying it before they had to rush off to work.

As Olivia took a seat on the couch next to El, she decided they needed to keep things light this morning. "So how are all the kids doing?"

With a genuine smile on his face, Elliot opened up about his children. "Well, you already know Maureen is working as a nurse here at Mercy. She loves her job almost as much as she loves the teacher she's been dating for about a year. It's pretty serious and I think I'm going to be losing my baby soon," El said with a shake of his head. Maureen may be almost thirty years old but she would always be his little girl.

"Kathleen just started working at a woman's shelter. In her own words, she wants to help others who didn't have a Stabler and Benson in their corner. She's come a long way and I can never thank you enough for helping her," he relayed as he grasped Olivia's hand and tried to convey his gratitude for her help.

"The twins are both in college now and drop by my place pretty often to either raid the refrigerator or do laundry. They are still close but love to torment each other. I'm pretty sure Dickie will be following in my footsteps. He's doing great in his criminal studies classes. Lizzie on the other hand can't really make up her mind on what she wants to major in. Hopefully she figures it out before Bank Stabler runs dry.

"As for Eli, he's living with me. It's hard to believe he's already in first grade. He's growing like a weed and is on track to eat me out of house and home. I was so worried he wouldn't remember me but everyone made sure he didn't forget. It's been great having him even though it's tough being a single parent now but Mo has been helping out when the sitter can't watch him."

Olivia enjoyed watching Elliot talk about his children. His eyes literally lite up when talking about them. It also allowed her the opportunity to enjoy breakfast.

"Hey, I think you purposely asked me about my family so that you could eat all the pastries," Elliot said with mock anger.

"I would never do such a thing," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Oh really, I would beg to differ here. You know I brought that apple fritter for me and here you ate it before I even had a chance." Elliot turned and moved closer towards Liv on the couch.

"Well I didn't see your name on it but there is still a little piece here you could try," Liv offered.

"That's ok," Elliot said as he leaned in closer to Olivia. "I think I would rather see how it tastes on your lips." With those words, El closed the final distance between them and covered her lips with his. Contact between the two remained soft and gentle until Elliot ran his tongue along Liv's bottom lip and tasted the sweet sugar from the pastry along with her addictive taste. With the additional contact, Liv gasped as if an electric shock ran through her body which provided the opportunity for El to deepen the kiss. Elliot's hands could no longer remain passive as one slid seductively up the side of her neck to wind it's self into her hair while the other stroked up her side from hip to breast and back down again. The heat in the hospital room was spiking and the groan from El as he slid his tongue into the hot depths of Olivia's mouth to tangle with hers only fanned the flames more.

They are both so lost in the kiss that they don't hear Elliot's phone ring immediately. It took several rings before awareness came to Elliot and he managed to break the exquisite connection between their lips. "Shit. I'm late," Stabler said as he answered the phone a little breathless and pissed off. "Stabler. Yes, I know. I had an early morning meeting and it ran late. We are just wrapping up now. I'll be there shortly. Ok. Yeah, I got it." Elliot took a deep breath and turned his attention back to Liv. "Sorry Liv. I need to get going."

Olivia's heart was racing. Damn that man could kiss Liv thinks as she finally found her voice. "No, I understand I'm going to be late too if I don't get going."

"Things may be a little crazy today but I'll call you when I can and let me know what you find out about Noah," Elliot said as he stood and pulled Olivia up to stand in front of him.

"I will. Be safe."

"You too," he murmured against Liv's lips as he took one more taste before he had to go. Elliot finally found the strength to walk away but before he went he stopped to kiss Noah on the forehead and whispered, "Bye sweet boy," before he disappeared through the hospital room door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's notes: **Oh how I love these two characters. I wish I had more time to write…really need to win that lottery. :) Here is another update for your reading pleasure and hopefully it helps kickoff a good weekend for everyone.

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Mercy Hospital<br>365 West 32nd Street  
>Tuesday, September 16<p>

After everything that had happened over the last few days, Olivia felt extremely grateful at being told Noah could go home tomorrow morning. While she wished it was today, she could understand that one more night on the rock hard couch wasn't going to kill her and if it meant that Noah was as good as new then so be it. The doctor had spent time talking about the next steps in Noah's treatment which meant close monitoring of his growth and additional doctor's appointments over the next six months and potentially longer.

As the doctor left, Liv's thoughts turned to the other amazing man in her life. It was already crazy how much she had grown used to Elliot being back in her life in the short few days since she bumped into him. They still had things to discuss but it was like they had never been apart...their chemistry was as strong as ever even more so if she thought about the toe curling kisses they had shared.

She needed to share her good news with him so she whipped out her mobile and sent him a quick text.

_L: Good news. Noah is being discharged in the morning._

She knew it could be a while before he responded if he was working, so she tried to sit back on the couch and go over reports that had been neglected while Noah had been in the hospital. The work needed to get done before Dodds made even noise about her not being able to do her job but her mind kept drifting back to the two mind blowing kisses with Elliot. It's a good thing she had no clue how great of a kisser he was before or she may not have been able control herself when he was still married. As she was wrapped up in thoughts of kissing his soft lips and enjoying the taste of him, her phone beeped signaling a new message from the one and only.

_E: Amazing news! I'm so happy for the two of you. Do you know what time?_

_L: If everything goes according to plan, we should be heading out of here by 10am._

_E: Sorry you have to spend another night on that damn couch._

_L: I'll take it if it means I can take Noah home_

_E: I bet. So what's your plan for tonight?_

_L: Already had dinner. Noah is out cold for the night and I'm working on paperwork._

_E: Sounds like fun. ;)_

_L: What are you up to?_

Shit, Olivia, thought after she sent the text. The texts they had been trading were coming in rapid fire and she hadn't truly thought about what she was sending until it was too late. She did wonder what he was doing but she could have worded it a little better instead of adding a sexual undertone to it. Hopefully Elliot wouldn't read too much into it. It took several minutes before Elliot responded just long enough for Benson to really start to worry.

_E: Stuck at work but wishing I was with this gorgeous woman I met this weekend._

Olivia smiled as she read the words on the screen. He had caught on to the undertone of the text but instead of a suggestive comment Olivia was surprised to see him offer up a coy compliment to her. Olivia decided to play along as if she didn't know who he was talking about.

_L: Really?_

_E: Yeah. She's amazing. I can't seem to get her out of my mind even though I should be working._

Elliot's text brought another smile to her face. Olivia was excited to know Elliot was having issues concentrating too. It had been so long since she had flirted with a man but she found herself trying to remember how with the next text she wrote.

_L: I seem to have the same problem with this guy I bumped into this weekend._

_E: :) Do tell?_

_L: Well I'm not normally a kiss and tell girl._

_E: You kissed him?_

_L: He kissed me._

_E: Lucky bastard!_

Liv could hear El's cockiness loud and clear through the text message but she guessed he had a right to be. His kisses were the stuff that romance novels were written about. This was all so unexpected and it made her feel young again instead of the tired run down detective trying to balance the job with being a mother for the first time...maybe there was hope for her after all.

_L: I think we were both lucky._

_E: Was he a good kisser?_

Olivia chuckled. He wanted Liv to stroke his ego and that probably wasn't the only thing he would like Olivia to stroke. Damn girl…easy. With everything dealing with Noah, it was easy to forget she hadn't been in an intimate relationship in a very long time. There would be some hurdles they would need to cross first, Olivia thought, but hopefully Elliot was willing to be patient although a part of her wanted to throw caution to the wind and jump Elliot the next time she saw him. She had dreamed about what it would be like to have sex with Elliot so many times she had lost count.

_L: Subtle much?_

_E: U know me. I always need to know about the guys you are dating._

Olivia felt like a school girl being asked out by the football captain at seeing Elliot's text. She loved it but she couldn't stop herself from teasing him.

_L: Who said I was dating him?_

_E: Liv..._

Liv could clearly hear the whine in Elliot's voice but she wasn't going to let him off easy this time.

_L: El?_

_E: Ok. Not dating but you didn't answer my question._

Elliot's surrender was too easy which meant only one thing…he was scared she would run. The only place Liv wanted to run to was into El's arms though.

_L: Incredible. Soft lips. Gentle at first but then more forceful and the way he used his tongue...mind blowing._

As time ticked by, Olivia wondered if Elliot was going to respond maybe he was forced to go back to work or maybe he was caught up in thoughts of their kisses.

_E: Wow! That good huh?_

_L: Yeah. I can't wait to see him again and kiss him._

_E: Me either. You are all I can think of. I'm glad I'm alone right now otherwise I would have a hard time explaining some things._

Olivia chuckled at Elliot's predicament.

_L: What's wrong El? Are you a little worked up?_

_E: There is nothing little about me or what I'm feeling right now._

She knew there was no way in hell with the body and ego Elliot had that he would be average or little. The man had a swagger that was bred into him as a result of the assets he had been born with.

_L: Down boy!_

_E: I can't help it. It's what you do to me...what you have always done to me._

_L: It's ok. I know the feeling._

_E: Good._

_L: Wow...that's about as close as I've come to sexting_

_E: Hmmm...we are going to have to keep working on it then. ;)_

Olivia never thought she would have a meaningful or sexy conversation via texting but it seemed Elliot brought out the best in her but she didn't know if she was ready for sexting.

_L: In your dreams_

_E: Always_

Damn that man knew what to say since she had seen him on Sunday. Olivia wondered where this version of Elliot had been all those years when they were partners.

_L: Alright...moving along. So when are you going to tell me about this job you have?_

_E: Soon. Got to run sweetheart._

Olivia didn't want to stop talking but it appeared they had no choice.

_L: OK. Be safe._

_E: You too. _

While texting wasn't as good as talking on the phone or seeing Elliot in person, it was still pretty good and it did manage to get her heart pumping. If there was that much emotion between them when exchanging a few words, they were going to set the world on fire when they were actually together Olivia thought. After that conversation, Olivia decided to hell with work and tried to make herself comfortable on the couch. While the couch would prove to be uncomfortable, her dreams the rest of the night were amazing and would help her to get through the next few days.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and hints on updating soon. I'm sorry it took so long to get this out. I had it mostly written before the race last week but I kept rewriting a few parts because I didn't like how it was flowing...it probably still needs work but I'm going to post it now before it drives me completely nut.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors. I don't know the ins and outs of the NYPD either so I may have taken liberty with some of their procedures with this chapter...hopefully I didn't get too carried away.

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><p>Apartment of Olivia Benson<p>

Manhattan, New York

Friday, September 19

"So, Noah, what do you think about spaghetti for dinner?" Olivia said as she played with the little boy in his baby walker.

With a toothy grin, Noah responded with baby babble to Olivia's question.

"Ok. Spaghetti it is," Liv said as she pushed to her feet to start work on their dinner. As she worked on the meal, her mind kept wondering back over the events of the last two days. She was able to bring Noah home Thursday morning and he had been doing great back in his own environment and Liv was extremely happy to be back in her bed. She had been running on fumes so the much needed sleep was a blessing especially when she had to go head to head against Dodds again today…that man really pissed her off. She loved her job but needing to justify everything was going to get old fast.

It didn't help matters that she really hadn't heard from Elliot since Wednesday night. She had sent him a few text messages but he had only enough time for a quick message back saying that work was brutal and he would talk to her as soon as he could. Not knowing what he was up to was driving her insane too. She suspected that he may still be working with the FBI and if that was the case she was worried. She didn't trust those guys to have his back like she and the NYPD would but would he be willing to come back after years undercover or was he going to finally walk away and spend his time raising his youngest son.

Dinner was almost ready when Olivia heard the doorbell ring. She wondered who it could be since she didn't buzz anyone into the building and her neighbors weren't the friendliest people around. As she peered through the peep hole, a huge smile appeared on her face. Unlocking the door and pulling it open revealed an incredibly handsome man in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Stabler."

"Benson, hope you don't mind me dropping by," he said as Olivia ushered him into her apartment.

"Of course not although I wonder how you got into the building or knew my address for that matter."

Elliot gave a little smirk but didn't respond to the question. He noticed the heavenly smell coming from the kitchen though. "I interrupted your dinner. I'm sorry. I'll just head out," he said as his stomach growled and he tried to fight off a yawn at the same time.

Olivia took a closer look at El. He looked exhausted and if his appearance was any clue he must have showered and came directly over after he tore himself away from work. "Don't be ridiculous from the sounds of it, you need to eat and I'm guessing relax too. It just so happens I can help with both."

"You can?" Elliot said as he stepped directly in front of Olivia.

"Yes," she replied as she placed her right hand behind his neck and pulled him forward into a tender kiss. She ran her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck while her lips and tongue teased Elliot's mouth open so she could tangle with his tongue…the tender kiss quickly escalated into much more. Elliot let out a low moan at the first touch of their tongues. His arms were not ideal either as he pulled her flush against his body. Liv reluctantly pulled back before they really got carried away and guided Elliot over to the couch and pushed him down. "You relax while I finish up dinner. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Just some water if it isn't too much of a bother," Elliot managed to croak out as he leaned back and rested his head on the back of the couch. He breathed deeply trying to lower his heart rate and bring his raging hormones under control.

"Of course not." Liv filled a glass with ice and water and then headed back to Elliot. "Here you go."

Elliot sat up and took the glass from Olivia. "Thanks. So what is that amazing smell coming from your kitchen?" Elliot had teased Liv in the past about her cooking skills but there is no way the food was going to taste bad based on the smells.

"Nothing special. Just spaghetti, garlic bread and a tossed salad."

"Sounds amazing."

With a chuckle, she said, "You must be starving if that sounds amazing."

"I don't even remember when I ate last. I think I've been living on coffee alone."

Olivia moved back over to the kitchen and dished up dinner and placed a plate in front of each of the high back stools by the breakfast bar. She then grabbed Noah out of his walker and set him up in his high chair with some finger food.

"Come on Elliot. Time to eat."

After making his way off the couch, Elliot took a seat next to Olivia and dug into the food. Elliot was way too busy eating to entertain any discussions and quickly finished his plate.

"El, there is more. Feel free to help yourself." Olivia said as she helped Noah with his dinner.

"Thanks! I take back everything I ever said about your cooking skills."

"Well I figured I needed to work on them now that I have Noah. I don't want him eating takeout his entire life."

"Oh I can see it now instead of teaching him how to make pancakes, spaghetti or even boil water you teach Noah how to find the takeout menus in the kitchen drawer and dial the phone to place the order," Elliot said while trying not to laugh too hard.

"Laugh it up, Stabler. See if I ever feed you again." Olivia took great pride in seeing her two guys enjoying their dinner.

"Sorry. I take it all back," Elliot said as he continued to eat the pasta. "It looks like Noah enjoys the spaghetti too."

"It's one of his favorites which makes it easy on me since I can throw it together quickly but it can get pretty messy. Tonight is one of the better nights but you couldn't tell it by the amount of pasta sauce he is wearing on his face."

"Ah. It just means he likes it," Elliot responded. "So how was work?"

Olivia stands up from placing Noah back in the baby walker and turns to Elliot, "Oh no you don't. Don't think I forget about you side stepping my questions about how you found my address or how you got into the building. I'm going to guess it has something to do with your job so spill. What have you been working on?" Liv moved into the kitchen and started working on cleaning up after dinner.

"You cooked. I'll do the dishes." Elliot volunteered.

"No. You sit there and tell me what's been going on." Olivia knew that if she let him do the dishes he would weasel out of telling her what was going on again.

"Ok but don't say I didn't offer."

Olivia chuckled at his antics and replied, "I won't. You've kept me in suspense long enough."

"Alright then. After the shooting, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to wear my shield again and even during the early part of the undercover work I was convinced I didn't want the job any more. As more time went on though, I knew I wanted my old life back. I still wanted to make a difference and the best way I know how to do that is by being a cop so I made up my mind that I would talk to Cragen when I got back into the city.

"Before I could talk to anyone, the Commissioner summoned me to his office. He wanted to talk to me about my future with the NYPD. I guess the FBI raved about the job I did and wanted to see if I was available for another job or even better yet wanted to change teams."

"Why didn't they just ask you?" Olivia questioned.

"Porter's boss figured I wouldn't be that receptive to the proposal if it came directly from them but if the Commissioner supported it then maybe he could help persuade me to take the job. He was right I didn't want anything to do with another undercover job but he miss judged the Commissioner too. Reagan was pissed that the job took as long as it did and he lost a good detective with no benefit to the NYPD. He turned Porter and his boss away and told him don't ever come back.

"After some small talk about how I was doing adapting to being home again, the Commissioner said the offer still stood I could go back to SVU, transfer somewhere else if there was an open position or maybe just walk away from it all. He admitted that if he was me he would seriously consider the retirement option so he could spend more time with his family.

"I told him I appreciated his honesty and that while retirement did look good I wanted to come back to work. Of course, he said he knew I couldn't walk away. I think that man is more arrogant than I am. Anyway, he asked me to do him a favor first. I thought about reminding him I already did him one when I worked with the FBI but figured that wouldn't help me with my career."

With the kitchen cleaned up, the two made their way back into the living room to play with Noah.

Elliot continued, "He had a case that the current detectives weren't having any luck solving and he was hoping fresh eyes may help."

"Which case?"

"I've been working on the case to find the serial killer behind the murders in Queens over the last three months."

"El, are you talking about the Highland Park killer?"

"Yeah," Elliot said as he continued to play peak-a-boo with Noah.

"Holy shit, El. That case has been all over the news. 1PP has been hot to find the killer," she says in awe of her ex-partner.

"Yeah, they were about ready to ask for help from the FBI BAU but I don't think they wanted to admit defeat. The detectives on the case are good cops but they were under too much pressure. They didn't stand a chance to solve the case. When I showed up, no one was happy to see me. They didn't understand why 1PP would put a burnt out cop on the case. They were taking bets on when I would lose it and either go off on a suspect or one of them. The pressure kept increasing from 1PP. They were breathing down our necks…we spent more time giving updates than actually working the case. The pressure finally got to everyone and I ended up exchanging punches with one of the other detectives."

"I see you still need to work on your anger management skills."

"Actually I just happened to get in the way. The lead detective was actually taking a swing at one of the people we were investigating. It was probably for the best he used me as a punching bag instead. Since I refused to press charges, the detectives realized I was just there to help. Things actually turned around after the incident. We finally broke things open this week and caught the bastard last night."

"Wow! Stabler is back! How's it feel?"

"Good. Weird. I missed my partner the most though. She is way easier on the eyes than the guys I had to work with but they weren't all bad," Elliot stated as he looked at Olivia.

"Funny, Stabler." Olivia knew that while El was trying to make light of the case that he was proud of himself for being able to walk back into the world he had left behind and make a difference. "So the hulk has been tamed?"

"I wouldn't say that but I'm learning how to channel the anger better and I've mature a little bit too."

"So what happens next? Are you going to stay at 1PP?" Olivia asked.

"Probably not. I can do that job but it's not in my blood. It's not really what I want."

"What's that mean exactly? Are you coming back to SVU…the 1-6 then? Olivia questioned. She tried to keep the hopefulness out of her voice but she was afraid she failed miserably.

Ever since coming back Elliot had wondered how he was going to explain this to Olivia. He had spent so much time trying to come up with the right words to say but each time he ran through it in his head he knew Olivia would be hurt. He could only hope for the best as he said, "SVU, I hope so. The 1-6…no." Elliot could see the hurt in Olivia's eyes immediately.

El's words were like daggers in her heart. She managed to force out, "Oh I see," before she turned away from Elliot so he wouldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

"No. I don't think you do." Elliot moved to stand in front of Olivia again but she wouldn't look at him. He lifted her chin with his hand so that he could look into her beautiful brown eyes. "Liv, I would love nothing more to work with you again but I don't want to step on your authority there. You worked damn hard for your promotion. If I came back people would question everything between us…could I take your orders, would you show favoritism, etc." Elliot used his thumb to wipe away the tears that had fallen on her cheeks and in the process noticed a Semper Fi medallion hanging from around her neck.

"I know you are right. It's just that I always imagined you would come back. I miss my partner," Olivia said as she gazed into Elliot's eyes. She could see this was hurting him just as much as her.

'I know sweetheart. Captain Williams is retiring in two months from Queens SVU so I'll be taking over then if everything goes according to plan."

"Elliot. Oh my god! That's great news!" While they wouldn't be working together like the old days, she was so proud of him.

"Liv, I don't know how to tell you this. They are promoting me to Captain."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Because we'll be doing the same job but you were only promoted to sergeant and I'll be a Captain. You deserve to be a Captain just as much as me…hell even more!" Elliot practically screamed. He would never understand why the NYPD didn't value her more. They had no idea what an amazing detective and woman they had in their midst.

"El. I don't hold that against you. You have been on the force longer than me plus we know the NYPD is a boys club. I just didn't know you took the exams already."

"Well the promotion to sergeant was a long time coming. I took the exam two months before the shooting and would have been promoted back then if everything hadn't gone south. I still need to complete the Captains exam before everything is official," he says with a smirk. "Think you know of anyone who might help me to study…maybe provide some incentive to get the right answers."

"I just might. We'll have to work out a deal though," Olivia said with a chuckle. "In all seriousness El, I don't hold anything against you for choosing the position or getting the promotion. I'm so proud of you."

With the knowledge Olivia didn't hate him for not coming back to her or the promotion, Elliot could finally breathe easier. He reached for her hand which she quickly gave and led her over to the couch to sit down and watch over Noah who was much more interested in his toys than the conversation between the grown-ups. "Thank you. I was making myself sick thinking about how I was going to tell you. And it goes both way. I am so proud of you for being CO at the 1-6. I wish so bad I was here to see you get promoted. I bet you looked hot in your uniform."

"I don't know about hot but I wish you could have been there too. So I guess this means Dodds is going to be your boss too? Maybe you will have better luck with him than me."

"I doubt that. Everything I've seen and heard about Dodds has me worried. He doesn't really care about the victims. He just wants everything handled quickly and without any bad press. The word on the street is that he wants to be Commissioner. You need to watch your back. He's not afraid of running completely over his people to get what he wants."

"I'm not afraid going toe to toe with him."

"I know…just please just be careful. The victims need you and I don't want to be going to jail…much rather spend time with you and the kids."

"I will. You need to be careful too. I hope you really do have your anger issues under control because running a SVU department isn't easy. Just think of all the trouble we gave Cragen over the years…it's a miracle he didn't go postal on all of us."

"Hmm…I'll keep that in mind," Elliot said. El continued to look at the necklace around Olivia's neck. He reached his hand out to finger the medallion. He had to know if it was his. "Liv, is that my medal?"

Liv placed her hand over the top of El's which held the medal and squeeze before she said, "Yes. I've needed a little piece of Stabler with me over the last few days. With everything going on with Noah, Dodds and then not seeing you for a few days…I needed to know that you were with me."

"Oh baby. I'm always with you," Elliot replied as he caressed her cheek with his other hand.

"I know but this way I could touch something to help keep me grounded."

"I always wondered what you did with the medal and badge after I sent them."

"Well they found me at a time when I was really missing you. I wish you would have sent more of a note…maybe explained a few things which would have been nice. But like now, it was nice to have something of you with me. Your badge is clipped to my weapon and the medal makes an appearance around my neck relatively often especially when I need your support."

"It was a huge risk sending the package as it was but if I would have known Cragen and Porter didn't tell you about the case I would have gladly taken it." Elliot was staring into Olivia's eyes trying to convey how much he wished he would have said more in that note sent so long ago.

Liv was lost in his eyes as she asked, "What would you have said?"

"I would have told you that I missed you and thought of you every day…all day long. That the divorce was finally final and I was coming home to you as soon as I finished the job. And as the note said…Semper Fi…Always Faithful. It was my pledge to you."

Liv had tears in her eyes. "Maybe it's better the way it was. I would have been crying my eyes out in the squad room."

"We'll never know for sure but I do know this…seeing my medal hanging from your neck is a beautiful sight to behold."

"El."

"Come here," Elliot whispered. El needed to hold her…kiss her. He had been showing great restraint while they talked but he couldn't stop his need any more than he could stop breathing. The hand which had been holding the necklace slid to the back of Liv's neck and pulled her forward as his lips sealed over Olivia's.

There was no hesitation from Liv as she slid forward into his embrace on the couch. With emotions running high, there was no place she would rather be. Liv's arms found their way around Elliot's neck as El placed his other hand on her hip. As their lips embraced, hands wandered and stroked sending chills racing through their bodies.

As El's hand toyed with the bottom of Liv's shirt, Olivia ran her tongue over the seam of Elliot's lips begging for entrance which was quickly granted. Elliot let loose a growl at the first touch of their tongues. She tasted divine and he wanted more. The hand which had been playing with her shirt had found its way underneath to touch hot velvet skin on her lower back. At the touch, Olivia let out a low moan.

The moan and other little sounds she was making egged Elliot on as he leaned back on the coach and used his arms to encourage Liv to follow him. Once again Liv eagerly followed his lead and found herself laying prone over Elliot's body on the couch. Between the incredible kisses and the feel of Elliot along her whole body, she was slowly losing her mind. "Oh God, Elliot."

"Hmm…You feel so good, Liv." The kisses between each of them continued to grow with intensity. El tugged on her bottom lip as he pulled away briefly to look into the drugged eyes of Olivia before diving back in for another soul searching kiss.

With an ear piercing cry from Noah, a bucket of frigid water was thrown over the two love birds though.

"Shit." Elliot said as Olivia sprang out of his arms to check on Noah.

"I'm here sweet baby boy. What's wrong?" Liv said as she swept Noah up into her arms.

Elliot laid sprawled out on the couch trying to catch his breath as Liv rocked Noah in her arms. El watched Liv from his prone position hoping she would make eye contact with him but as she comforted her son she looked everywhere but at him on the couch. He knew he couldn't let her avoid what had just happened. "Liv?"

"Yeah," she said as she continued to avoid him.

Elliot stood up and said, "It's ok."

With a sarcastic chuckle, she said, "Yeah, right. I totally forget about Noah and if it wasn't for him crying out…"

Elliot interrupted her before she could continue that train of thought, "Liv, you didn't forget about Noah. He was totally fine entertaining himself in his walker. He decided he needed your attention so he spoke up the only way he knew how. Do I wish he had better timing? Of course but I don't hold it against you or him. I don't expect you to forget you are a mother. I actually love that part of you very much," Elliot finished as he wrapped Olivia and Noah in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on both of their foreheads.

Olivia finally looked at Elliot as she replied, "Thank you. I don't know what I'm doing here."

He gave her a little smile and said, "You are doing great. Don't worry about tonight. We'll figure everything out together. It's getting late and it looks like we have a sleepy monkey on our hands here, so I'm going to head out for the night."

"Are you sure you are ok to drive? I don't want you to fall asleep on the way home."

"I'm fine. It won't take long to get home and then I can crash for a few hours. What are you doing tomorrow?" He said as he brush a few stray strands of hair behind her ear.

"Nothing spectacular. The usual…clean, run errands and hope like crazy I don't get called into work. Why?"

"Well then Eli and I would like to take Noah and you to the Queens County Museum tomorrow. What do you say?"

Liv took a quick inventory of the todo list in her head and realized that while it's quite large she can't say no to spending more time with the Stabler men. "Wow. I haven't been there in ages."

"I checked the weather and it sounds like it's going to be a great day. You could stop over to my place in the morning, we introduce the boys, then drive out to the museum for the day and I'll treat you to a home cooked meal after the museum. Come on. What do you say?"

"Hmm…With a proposal like that how could I say no? What time do you want us to pick you two up?"

"How about 8:30? I should be able to get Eli out of bed and ready to go by then."

"That works for us."

"Great. I can't wait to show you two around. I'll text you my address and direction later," Elliot stated before leaning in for one last tender kiss.

"Night Liv," he said one last time as he caresses Noah's head.

"Night El," she said as she let him out of the apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Notes: I wish I could write as fast as I come up with more ideas for this story but unfortunately that is not the case. This chapter just kept growing and growing and growing too. I finally decided to split it in half so that I could go ahead and post an update. The second half is coming along so hopefully it will be up soon too.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Elliot Stabler Residence<p>

Queens, New York

Saturday, September 20

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><p>"Eli, are you ready yet? Olivia and Noah are going to be here any second," Elliot shouted towards Eli's room as he put on his jacket.<p>

"All set Dad," Eli said as he came running into the living room with his jacket and hat on and his little backpack. "Do you think Livvy will remember me? Do you think Noah will want to play?" He said in a rush.

"Eli, of course Liv remembers you," Elliot replied as he bent over to zip up his son's jacket. El squatted down in front of Eli before continuing, "And remember Noah is still a baby so he can't walk on his own yet so I need your help watching out for him today. There are going to be a lot of people at the fair and lots of things to see so we all need to stick together and have fun."

With all the seriousness that a six year old could muster, he said, "Ok, Dad."

In the next instance, the doorbell alerted the duo that Olivia and Noah had arrived. "That would be them." Elliot stood and walked over to the door and opened it up to find Olivia and Noah bundled up against the slight chill in the air this morning. They both looked adorable in their jackets and matching caps.

"Good morning. Come on in." Elliot managed to usher them into the house without ravishing Liv first. El didn't think that was the best way for Eli to learn about the new development in his father's life so he was forced to push his desires to the back of his mind for now.

"Morning, El." Olivia looked down to see Eli semi-hiding behind his father. "Wow! Eli, you have gotten so big since the last time I saw you."

"You remember me," Eli asked shyly.

Olivia bent down to Eli's level and said, "Of course I do. There is no way I could have forgotten about you. Eli, I want you to meet someone. This is Noah."

"Hi, Noah."

While Noah still hadn't mastered the art of conversation, he gave a giant smile and babbled happily to Eli.

"He likes me," Eli said in awe.

"Of course he does sweetie. Do you think you can help me show him a good time today?"

"Sure, Livvy"

"Thanks, Eli."

"Eli, why don't you go climb in the SUV while we grab the car seat out of Liv's car and install it into the truck?"

"OK," Eli said excitedly and ran out of the house.

Olivia stood and turned towards Elliot and stated, "El, we can drive my car today."

"I know but either way we have to move a child seat and since the SUV has more room I figured we could take mine," Elliot replied as he tried to stop his shaking hands from dragging her to him.

"Or is it you just need to drive, mister control freak?" Olivia said with a shake of her beautiful head.

"Never!" Elliot shouted.

Liv turned to move towards the door with Noah but El stopped her before she could reach the door. She looked up into Elliot's face to see what prompted him to stop her.

"But first I need this..." Elliot said as he lowered his head and gently brushed his lips over Liv's before swooping back in for a longer, deeper intoxicating kiss. Olivia would never admit it but she was so thankful El initiated the kiss. She was dying to kiss him but didn't want to start anything in front of Eli. In perfect synchronization, they pulled back from each other before they both lost the will to do so.

"Good Morning." El said as he gazed lovely into the Liv's beautiful brown eyes.

"It is now," she replied.

"Sorry I wanted to kiss you when you first walked in but I didn't know how Eli would take it and there was no way I would survive any longer if I didn't kiss you now," El said as he laid his forehead against Liv's.

"Don't worry. We'll take things slow around Eli and the other kids."

"Thank you," El replied as he moved his head to kiss Noah gently on the forehead. He was thankful the little guy hadn't interrupted the kiss like last night. "I don't think the others will have a problem based on how much they keep harassing me about talking to you."

"Oh really," a very intrigued Olivia responded.

"Yeah. I'll tell you everything later but I think we better get going before Eli tries to drive himself over to the museum."

"Yeah, you are probably right. Let's go." When Olivia turned this time to head back outside, Elliot guided her out the door with his hand at the small of her back.

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><p>After a brief drive, the would-be family made it to the museum and the county fair which was in progress on the estate. Eli was bouncing in his seat with his barely contained excitement at getting to spend all day with his dad. While his dad had been away, his sisters and brother had made sure he knew exactly who his father was. They showed him pictures and videos and told endless stories of his father. While his family made sure he remembered, they couldn't take away the jealousy Eli felt towards his friends who had fathers living with them. Eli wanted his dad living with him too.<p>

Eli had been nervous when his mother had told him that his father was finally coming home. He hoped that his dad would remember him. All his fears where laid to rest when he looked into the face of his father and saw tears of joy streaking down his face. He ran quickly to his father who swooped him up in his arms and hugged him tight. In those first few hours of his father's return, Eli was constantly at his father's side. When it was decided he would stay with his father, Eli had been sad about leaving his mom but he was having a great time with this dad and his brother and sisters who were all here in the city and he knew his mom was only a Skype call away.

Elliot quickly paid for the tickets and found a spot to park the SUV in before the six year old could bounce completely out of the car. Once parked, Noah was loaded into the stroller with Liv pushing him towards the entrance and Eli was walking quickly beside the stroller with his hand securely held by his father's stronger one.

While there were carnival rides available, Elliot steered the group towards a tour of the various fields at the museum. The rides may have been exciting but the tour would allow Eli to burn off some energy and it provided a learning opportunity on farming techniques and different vegetables...maybe the tour could even convince the young boy to eat more veggies in the future.

Their tour guide was a young college student who made the tour fun for the kids by letting them play while they learned. Eli found himself learning about planting techniques by playing in the dirt and helping to plant new seedlings. The grown-ups were wondering how much dirt was going to be tracked home but neither would want it any other way since there was so much joy written on Eli's face. "Dad, come help."

Elliot turned to Liv and asked, "Do you two want to come too?"

"I don't think so," she chuckled. "You go. I'll stay here with Noah."

Elliot walked over to his son and said, "Alright, Eli, show me what to do."

Eli carefully showed Elliot how to plant the small plants and then prompted his father to plant the next one. Olivia captured several pictures of the Stabler men getting dirty while planting their veggies. They both had the same look of concentration while they worked which made it obvious they were father and son. She could spend all day watching them interact but she would rather have fun with them instead. "Come on, Noah. Let's go play in the dirt too."

With Noah in her arms, Olivia walked over to the boys and knelt down next to them. "I thought you two could use a hand," and with those words Olivia and Noah dug a small whole and placed one of the plants into it.

"How did you know how to do that, Livvy?" Eli asked.

"By watching you show your father. You did a great job teaching him." Eli didn't say anything but a look of pride at her words was unmistakable on Eli's face.

"Ok everyone once you plant the small plants. Please move into the barn where we will conclude the tour and you will be able to clean up," the young tour guide said.

"What do you think, Eli? Does everything look good? Should we see what other fun we can get into?" Elliot asked.

"Yep. Everything looks good. Let's go."

"All right. You heard the boss, Liv, let's get a move on," Elliot said with a smirk due to the behavior of his son and also the smudge of dirt on Liv's cheek which made her look like she was in her teens. Hopefully he could snap a picture before she noticed the dirt.

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><p>The day had turned warm in New York which allowed for jackets and hats to be shed. Little boys and girls had been cleaned up after the planting exercise but not before pictures had been taken for blackmail material later. Eli had convinced his dad to allow him to adopt a worm for their non-existent compost pile. The adoption was actually made possible by Liv who didn't shy away from playing with Eli as he tried to pick out the perfect worm to take home. The worm along with some dirt were safely placed in a container that was now safely tucked away in the stroller. Elliot couldn't help but think about where that worm was going to turn up in his house but there was no way he could say no to Eli and Liv when they asked if they could take one home.<p>

The small group was now wondering through the different stables with goats, sheep and various other farm animals. Even with the difference in age between Eli and Noah they had already begun to establish a bond. Noah watched everything Eli did and let the adults known on several occasions he wanted to join in and pet the different animals too.

Unfortunately the baby had worn himself out and was currently enjoying a nap in his stroller. With one child resting, Elliot and Olivia were currently strolling after the more energetic and mobile Eli. Elliot was pushing the stroller with one hand while the other was securely wrapped around Liv's smaller hand. Neither adult was able to stop the constant need to touch each other. It ranged from a slight caress of Liv's hand down El's arm to intertwined fingers and hands. They both needed to reassure each other that this was actually happening and each of them was enjoying being together with their children without the constant pressure from work.

"Livvy, you have got to see this!" Eli cried.

Elliot smirked and said, "Go. Your biggest fan is calling. I've got Noah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now go see what Eli has to show you."

Elliot loved watching Liv interact with his son. The shyness at the house had worn off almost immediately and now Eli was enamored with Liv because she loved playing in the dirt and she helped convince his dad to let him take home the worm. In Eli's little mind, Liv was perfect. For El, Liv and this day had been perfect too. Eli didn't seem to be having any problems with his dad holding Livvy's hand throughout the day and he even took to holding her other hand too. Monkey see. Monkey do he guessed. Elliot wasn't going to push for more right now but it gave him hope that Eli would accept the new relationship. He planned to sit Eli down this week and have a little man to man talk to him about Liv. While he wanted a relationship with Liv and he planned to have it, he wanted to make sure his youngest was comfortable with the changes in his father's life and to assure him that no one would take his place.

Liv seemed to be comfortable with the new level of intimacy as well. He had caught her several times watching him with Noah with so much love in her eyes. While Noah may not be his, he cared greatly for the little boy. It was easy to see how Liv fell in love with him right away.

Eli ran back over to Elliot and said, "Dad, you have to come and see Jethro and Dexter!"

"Who are Jethro and Dexter?" Elliot asked. He racked his brain but he couldn't remember Eli ever talking about any friends with those names.

"They look like baby cows but they are actually full grown. You've got to see them. They are right by where Livvy is standing."

With a smile on his face, Elliot said "Let's go then," as he took his son hand and pushed Noah with the other.

* * *

><p>"So what should we do next you two?" Elliot asked the duo standing in front of him.<p>

"Can we do the maze next dad? Please!" Eli begged.

"That sounds like a great idea Eli," Olivia said.

"Alright then. How about we make it a little bit of a competition?" Elliot replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Eli asked.

"Well I was thinking we could make it a game where it's the Stablers versus the Bensons."

"Hmmm...I think the odds are stacked in your favor, El," Olivia said.

"Are you scared you might lose, Benson?" Elliot taunted. He knew his comment would push Liv to accept the challenge.

"No, but I do want to know what Noah and I are going to get when we beat you two," Liv replied.

"How about the loser buys ice cream?" Elliot said. Eli had been hinting at getting ice cream all day so it was a pretty safe bet.

"You are on!" Olivia shouted.

"Awesome! We are so going to win, Dad!"

Elliot laughed at the enthusiasm from Liv and Eli. Noah had no clue what was going on but he was shrieking with laughter too. It seemed like everyone was on board for this challenge. "Ok. We'll take the entrance on the left and you two take the one on the right. And since as you mentioned we have a slight advantage, we'll give you a 60 second head start."

"Oh how nice of you. Let's do this Noah," and with those words Liv took off with Noah down the entrance of the maze.

"All right, Eli. We got this! As soon as I tell you to, run as fast as you can. Remember always go to your right when we come to a dead end."

"Ok, Dad." Eli said as he got ready to run for all he was worth.

"You ready"

"Yep."

"All right...Go!"

Eli and Elliot took off down their entrance to the maze in the hopes they could make it out the other side before Olivia and Noah did. Elliot was trying hard not to laugh as Eli ran as fast as his little legs would carry him. El was loving every minute of today. The only thing that could make today better would be if the rest of his children were here. Hopefully everyone could get together soon even though he knew the older children would interrogate both Liv and himself about their relationship.

"Come on, Eli. We have to be close." Elliot shouted.

Meanwhile Olivia was pushing Noah in the stroller trying desperately to find the exit to the maze. She could hear Noah laughing and babbling in the stroller. It was almost like he was telling her to run faster so that they would win. The only reason she wanted to win was because Elliot had given her the head start. He should have known better than to taunt her.

"Noah, we are going to beat those boys and the ice cream is going to taste amazing!"

Both groups rounded the last corner and popped out of the maze at the same time.

"No way! It's a tie! Now who is going to buy the ice cream?" Eli yelled.

Both Olivia and Elliot laughed at the antics of the little boy. "Don't worry Eli. I'll buy the ice cream since we had the head start. I don't know about you but I worked up an appetite running through the maze so let's head over there now."

"Sweet!"

As Eli ran slightly ahead, Elliot took over pushing Noah with Olivia close by his side.

"You know you don't have to buy."

"I know but you paid for our way into the museum so it's the least I can do."

"Hmmm...In that case I'll let you buy." Elliot said while laughing.

"You know. I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much before. It looks good on you."

"I'm pretty sure I can say the same thing for you too, Benson. I think it may have something to do with the company you are keeping." Elliot responded as he bumped her shoulder with his own.

"I think you are right. I need to spend more time with Eli and Noah," Liv joked.

"Hey now!"

"And you." She whispered into his ear which sent a chill down his spine. If that move didn't wake Elliot up then the hand that found its way into the back pocket of El's jeans sure did.

Elliot stood a little taller as Liv's hand caressed his back side. "Now I like the sound of that. I must admit that spending time with the three of you has been the best time I've had in a long time. I definitely think we need to do this more often."

"I would have to agree." She replied as she laid her head on his shoulder.

As they continue to walk behind Eli, El used his left hand to wrap around Liv's waist to ensure she wasn't going anywhere. He would gladly do anything as long as she was by his side and if he had his way about it she always would be.

* * *

><p>After a long enjoyable day, the group was on a hayride around the grounds of the museum. It was a perfect way to wind down before getting into the car and heading home. The day had been filled with lots of laughter and love. Olivia sat across from Elliot and Eli watching their interactions. It was clear how much they loved each other. Eli hung on every word Elliot said and it was very clear that many of Eli's mannerisms were a result of how Elliot carried himself.<p>

Olivia wondered if Elliot truly wanted to be a part of Noah's life. He had already missed so much of Eli's short life. He would naturally want to spend as much time with him to reconnect so he may not want to waste time on someone new. Plus his children were all getting older. Eli had been an accident...almost 14 years after the twins. Noah being six years younger than Eli would be another big gap. While he said he wanted a life with her, she couldn't quiet the fears that he wished Noah wasn't in the picture.

"Honey, you have a beautiful family," an elderly lady sitting next to Olivia said.

"Oh a...," Olivia stuttered.

"Sweetie, you don't need to say anything. He looks at you and this little boy like you look at those two. I can see all the love you have for each other so don't worry about him loving one son more than the other," the older woman continued.

"How did you...," Olivia still could not find the right words to respond to the woman.

"I see both of you in this little one but only him in the young child next to him. Someone else may have given him that son but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you and this baby just as much. Trust him when he says he loves you. The truth is clearly written in his eyes."

"I don't...," Liv wanted to correct the woman about Noah but she still couldn't remember how to string words together to form a sentence.

Undeterred by Liv's broken sentences, she continued, "I can understand your doubts. I had the same ones with my Bobby but he was the best thing that ever happened to me. It took us a long time to finally get on the same page so my suggestion to you is to talk to one another. Don't be afraid to fight just make sure you are fighting for each other."

Olivia was so engrossed with what this perfect stranger was telling her that she didn't realize the hayride had come to a stop and Elliot and Eli were standing up to get off the ride.

"Liv, you coming," Elliot asked. He had seen the two women talking but hadn't been able to hear what the woman had said to Liv.

"Yeah," Olivia says absently as she nods at the lovely woman and said, "Thank you."

Olivia stood up with Noah in her arms and took Eli's hand in hers. She helped him down from the ride as Elliot took care of the stroller.

As Elliot came to a stop next to Liv, he asked, "Is everything ok?"

The words of the lady were swirling through Liv's mind as she responded, "Of course. I was just talking with the nice woman next to me. She thought we made a cute family." She watched Elliot closely to see how he would respond to her comment.

At Liv's words, a soft smile spread across Elliot's face. "I would have to agree with her." With those words, the group made their way towards the SVU which would take them back to Elliot's house and a discussion that the two adults may not be entirely ready for.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Notes: Here is the 2nd part of September 20th. Hopefully I didn't make you guys wait too long. I believe the correct action for me now is to "duck and cover" and work on the next chapter of the story.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Elliot Stabler Residence<p>

Queens, New York

Saturday, September 20

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><p>Elliot sat down next to Olivia on the couch with a sigh and said, "All right everyone has been fed, Eli took a bath and is now passed out in bed. How are you two doing down here?"<p>

"This one has caught his second wind and is ready to party it looks like," Olivia said as she looked at Noah playing happily on the floor.

Elliot chuckled and turned towards Liv, "And how are you doing?"

"Exhausted but it was a good day," Liv replied with a smile but it didn't quite reach all the way to her eyes.

Elliot could tell something wasn't quite right. "Are you sure? You've been awfully quiet since we left the museum." Elliot had been trying to figure out what had gone wrong but the only thing that he could think of was maybe the conversation Liv had with the elderly lady before they left. "Was it something the lady said on the hayride or was it my cooking?"

"Dinner was wonderful, El. Thank you." Liv didn't want to ruin their day but the thoughts running through her head just wouldn't go away. "Ummm...Elliot, have you really come to terms with your marriage?"

Elliot was confused. Where was this coming from? His marriage was long over but Liv's use of his full name had him worried she didn't think it was over. "What do you mean?"

"El, you were married to Kathy for a long time and she's the mother of your five children that's a lot of history. I know there were a lot of rough patches but there were also good times. With Noah now, I can't take the risk that you two may get back together no matter how much I want to see where this is going between us," Olivia responded. It was killing her to voice one of her fears but she needed to know.

"I can't believe you are asking me that," Elliot said harshly. He thought he had been doing a good job showing Liv how much he wanted to move on with her but it appeared Olivia still had some concerns. He took a deep breathe to try and calm himself. If he let his frustration show, he would likely push Liv away and that was the last thing he wanted to do. "Liv, the marriage has been over for years. She's married to another guy now who has given her everything I guess I couldn't. With the exception of hooking up and falling in love before we were divorced, they have done everything in order including having the children after they were married."

"They have a child together?"

Elliot tried not to chuckle as he continued, "Two actually. She was shocked when she found out too. She thought she was over that stage but God had over plans for her."

"Oh no. Is that why you have Eli now?" Olivia asked. She didn't want to believe Kathy had turned her back on Eli now that she had a new husband and kids but that is how it appeared.

"Yes and No. She loves Eli with everything she has but she realized that Eli may be better off staying with me right now."

With that news, Olivia couldn't stay seated any more. She stood up and walked over to the bay window. She was positive now that Elliot wouldn't want to take an active role in Noah's life since he had to ensure his own son was confident in his love. Noah would only cause problems between Elliot and Eli.

Elliot could see the wheels spinning in Liv's head and knew she was jumping to conclusions that he had to stop right now. "Liv, listen. I had new divorce papers drawn up before I left for Savanah. Our marriage hadn't been working for so long. I tried…I really tried to put things back together after Kathy got pregnant with Eli but when your heart is no longer yours there is no chance to make things work. I was just someone to pay the bills and share a bed with. I helped with the kids especially Eli but the older ones were around less and less which was probably a good thing. Pretty soon I couldn't even handle sleeping in the same bed so I either stayed at the precinct or fell asleep on the couch at home.

"I signed the papers while in Savanah and then sent them to Kathy. She signed them right away…didn't even try and talk me out of it. Everything was finalized within the first few months of the undercover job. You can't believe how relieved I was because finally all of us could stop hurting. We agreed on joint custody with her keeping the kids while I was gone. She moved on to dating her current husband right away. When they became engaged she finally told me they had been dating while we were still married. She was getting ready to start the divorce proceedings too she was just waiting for me to come home. So you see while I was still fighting my love for you and denying us, she went out and had the affair she always accused me of. Any feelings I may still have had for Kathy died when she told me."

Olivia turned around and said, "El, you were being faithful to your vows."

El scooted forward on the coach seat and replied, "But I wasn't. I fell in love with my partner but I was too damn scared to do anything about it. I wasted so much time because I wouldn't admit I failed at my marriage."

"Elliot..."

El interrupted whatever she was going to say and continued, "If I had been a better man and not so weak I wouldn't have slept with her during our separation. Hell I would have signed those divorce papers earlier and ended our charade of a marriage."

"Elliot but then you wouldn't have Eli. Would you honestly go back and change things and lose him?"

"Yes!" Elliot practically screamed as he stood up.

Olivia shook her head and said, "You don't mean that."

El walked towards Liv and took her hands in his before he continued, "I love Eli with everything in me but I can't help think that if I would have been stronger Eli would be our son. I was going to swing by your place after I saw the kids but I got scared again and I needed to feel something. It had been so long since someone had touched me. I hadn't been intimate with anyone since I left Kathy and it had been months before then that we had sex. She was there and she wanted me so I took the easy way out."

"El, no one can go that long without some human contact and she was your wife."

"Oh it's possible but that drought was just the first of many and it has nothing on the current one," Elliot said.

Olivia was confused by El's cryptic statement. "What are you trying to tell me, Stabler?"

"That night it wasn't Kathy's name I called out…it was yours. She choose to ignore it that night but she used it against me once we got back together. We may have been sharing a bed but we weren't intimate."

"What?" Olivia couldn't believe what Elliot just said. She dropped his hands and moved away from El so she could process what he had just said.

"I'm sorry. I've embarrassed you." Elliot immediately regretted telling Liv about that devastating night and the fact that his marriage was a sham.

"I don't even know what to say."

"I shouldn't have said anything. Can we just forget what I said?"

Olivia made a sharp turn to look back at El. "Hell no, Stabler! We are not changing subjects now," she cried.

Elliot knew he had screwed up and prayed he could somehow convince Liv he was still worth having a relationship with. He knew he probably had a lot more explaining to do so he might as well try to get it over with as soon as possible. "Ahhh…ok. What more do you want to know?" He asked.

Liv's mind was spinning with the information El had told her. She wasn't sure how to take it. The little devil in her was happy that Elliot had been thinking about her while having sex with his wife but another part of her was hurt that he would sleep with the woman whom he said he wasn't in love with anymore instead of coming to her. "Am I supposed to believe that the only person you've been with is Kathy? You didn't see anyone during the first separation or now after the divorce? And to top that off you weren't intimate with Kathy once back together? I don't take you as one to go without, Elliot."

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"I know you went out on some dates during your separation and what about Dani?"

"I'm telling you the truth, Liv."

"Yeah right. I saw you and Dani together when I came back. You seemed awful close and then on our first case back together you kept calling the victim Dani instead of Danielle. We worked together for eight years up to that point and nothing happened but you work with Dani for a couple months and it seemed you were ready to move on with her."

"Liv, let me explain..."

It was Liv's turn to interrupt El, "You know that's why I went out with Porter. I figured my chance was gone so I tried to move on. Unfortunately it didn't work. He wasn't you. That's why none of my relationships worked. None of them were you."

"Liv, I never slept with Dani or anyone other than Kathy. Yeah, I went out on a couple dates. Yeah, I kissed Dani." Elliot chanced a look at Liv and could see the hurt clearly written on her face at that news. "I was stupid and lonely and I made a mistake. All it did was make me feel worse. She wasn't who I wanted. Luckily she left shortly after that and I got you back."

"You keep saying you want me but you always choose someone else. Why is that, El?"

El ignored her question for a moment. He needed to make sure she believed him about Dani. "Please believe me there was nothing with Dani."

"Ok. Let's say I believe you about Dani but I'm having a hard time with believing there has never been anyone else and you still haven't answered my question about choosing everyone but me."

Elliot knew he would probably need to talk about this at some point. All the pain from that time started resurfacing and he began to pace the living room as he told his side of the story, "I was angry and devastated that Kathy left and I was also struggling with my feelings for you. Kathy dated during our separation and instead of coming to you I went on a few dates too but all they proved was that I wanted you. Unfortunately by the time I figured that out, you had gone undercover. I don't blame you but I do wish you could have told me. I should have asked you out during the separation but I think I knew I wouldn't have been able to stop with just a date. And unlike my ex-wife, I couldn't turn off my consciousness. We were still married and I couldn't forget my vows. I only went back to Kathy because I had to do the right thing for her and Eli.

"After the divorce, I wasn't going to screw up again. I only wanted one person and I wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize my chances with her. I didn't think the job was going to take months or years so saving myself wasn't a big deal. Hell I hadn't slept with Kathy in forever so I knew how to survive blue balls. The job helped keep me from getting involved to a point too."

Elliot finally stopped his pacing and chanced another look at Liv. He could tell she was struggling with the information but he had come this far he might as well tell her some about his time during the undercover operation as well. Hopefully it would help to show her how far he was willing to go for her. El began pacing again as he continued, "As I was infiltrating the group, they kept throwing girls at me but I declined over and over again. They then sent me boys thinking I declined because I wasn't interested. I finally told them I was heartbroken over a girl because she left me which worked for a while. They started pressuring me again though and I had to tell them the real reason...I faked being impediment to get them to back off.

"It almost went to hell though after a visit from Porter. He had gone into great lengths about your relationship with Cassidy and how serious things were. I guess you two had moved in together and there was even talk of a wedding. I ended up at a bar with several of the group members. I didn't normally go out with them but I needed to forget what Porter said. After everything I said they still were pressuring me to enjoy the goods...me not having sex made them nervous even though they had no other reason not to trust me. I was drinking beer and then switched to whiskey. I was trying to get drunk so I could forget about you but no amount of alcohol could make me forget. One of the girls that was dancing at the bar was told to show me a good time. She came over and started rubbing up on me. I tried to push her away but the guys kept making her go back. It had been so long since someone else had touched me that my body betrayed me and I got hard.

"The guys noticed and were like 'see it was only temporary and told me to go get laid'. I kept trying to get out of it but I knew there was no way the guys were going to let this go without me finally sampling the goods. The girl went to grab me in the crotch and I grapped her hand and dragged her out of the bar while shouting to the men that I needed some privacy.

"I took her out back to one of the shacks. She started undressing as soon as the door was shut. She was so young probably around Kathleen's age. With only her underwear on, she walked over and tried to take my shirt off but I wouldn't let her. She begged me to let her do her job. She said they would kill her if she didn't make me happy. I knew the guys were outside listening so we put on a great show for those bastards…lots of moans, grunts and bed knocking against the wall. After the big finale, I ran into the small dingy bathroom and puked my guts out. I know we faked it but it made me sick and disgusted with myself to even have to do that much. When I opened the door after cleaning up, those bastards were all there waiting for their turn. I totally lost it and got in a fight with them."

"Elliot…" Olivia was shocked by the story and was afraid to hear what took place next.

"They would have ganged raped her and I just couldn't let that happen. She was too young and no one deserved that fate."

"What happened?" Liv finally asked.

"Even half-drunk those guys didn't stand a chance when I was that pissed off. A few others from the bar finally separated us. My boss thought I finally woke up from whatever curse my ex had put on me and fell for the first girl that let me get into her pants. He let me keep the girl as mine...sort of like a reward for all the work I had done. He told her she was to do whatever I said and to make me very happy. She played the role of my girlfriend and in exchange I protected her and got her out of that hell in the end. Anyway she helped keep me from needing to sleep with anyone else and now that I'm back there is only one person I want and if I can't have her then I don't want anyone else."

"El, I can't even imagine dealing with those bastards and what you had to see and do."

El stopped in front of Liv and gently forced her to look into his eyes. "I would gladly go through it again if it leads me back to having a chance with you but I understand if you need more time. We can take this as slow as you need to go." Elliot was sincere about taking as long as Olivia needed. He also knew that the easy going atmosphere of their time together at the museum had been destroyed by their discussion so El decided to try and lighten the mood when he said, "Just remember to be gentle with me. It's been forever since I dated anyone so I'm way out of practice next to you."

A pissed off Olivia asked, "What?"

Elliot recognized that tone of voice but he had no idea what he had done, "I'm just saying you've had more experience than I have."

"Oh so I'm a slut then for dating different men over the years." Liv said as she turned away from him. Olivia knew she was probably overreacting but with everything she had been through over the last couple of years and being forced to hear Elliot admit he wanted to be with her during his separation but he had denied them both his comment was the last straw. If he would have just chosen her instead of trying to be so noble, he could have spared them both so much pain.

Shit, Elliot thought. What just happened? He thought he had finally gotten through to Liv and made her understand everything but somehow he managed to screw up again. "I didn't call you that. I just meant that I'm out of practice which is clear from the direction this conversation just swung.

"It sure sounded like you implied it. You give this great story about how you've been saving yourself for me even though you've screwed up a few times. But since I've dated others and haven't held myself to your high moral standards I wouldn't understand and I need to be gentle." Olivia was fuming.

"Liv, wait a second. Where is all this coming from? I thought we were both on the same page here. You said you believed me about Dani and..."

Liv cut him off again, "No, I said let's assume I believe you. I'm not sure I do. If I was truly who you wanted why kiss her? And the story about the girl sounds great but how do I know it's true? You were around all the drugs, alcohol and sex and you didn't partake…come on. They would never have let you into their inner circle unless you proved to them you were just as depraved as them. And there is no way that girl would have taken your word over theirs. Just stop lying to me."

"Liv, I can't change the mistakes I made in the past but I swear to you I never did anything with Dani or that girl. There is only one person I have wanted and continue to want. I would do anything to prove that to you."

"Well you have some way of trying to prove it. You think it's been easy for me. You think I've just been having fun...dating everyone under the sun. Was I supposed to just wait around until you finally figured out what you wanted?"

"I never said that."

"Maybe this was all a mistake."

"Liv, don't say that," Elliot forced out. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"I can't do this now," Liv said with tears forming in her eyes too. She picked up Noah and his things and made her way towards the door.

Elliot was quicker though and was able to reach around Liv to slam his hand on the door preventing her from exiting the house. "Liv, please. Let's just sit down and talk this through."

"El, please. Just let me go," Liv whispered as the tears started to fall down her cheeks. Noah picked up the distress in Liv's voice and body and began to whimper and cry too. "El, I have to go."

Elliot's voice shook with emotion as he said, "Liv, I'll let you go for now but this isn't over. I'm not giving up on us." Elliot removed his hand from the door stepped back from Liv so that she could pass.

Olivia stepped out of the house and into the cold dark night. She quickly made her way to her car and loaded Noah into his car seat. Before backing out of the driveway, she ventured one last look towards the front door and saw El watching her. She managed to make it down the street a few blocks before she had to pull over because she could no longer see through the tears. Luckily Noah had stopped crying but Liv couldn't stop her tears. How did a day that had been so perfect turn so wrong? Liv couldn't help but think that her last chance at happiness had just been destroyed.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Notes: I know I took forever on this update. I had so many thoughts running through my mind that I needed to get the next few chapters outlined to make sure I don't screw things up. Of course that is still possible but hopefully I have a better chance of avoiding it now. Plus with the new episode of SVU last week, my head was already jumping ahead. Thank you to all the wonderful reviews. I always have the intentions of sending out personal responses but it never seems to happen...bad, bad writer.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Elliot Stabler Residence<p>

Queens, New York

Sunday, September 21

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><p>"Dammit," Elliot thought for the millionth time since Olivia stormed out last night. He was currently laying in his large new king size bed staring at the ceiling after suffering through another sleepless night. His decision to buy new furniture after he returned to the city was turning out to be a bad idea. The cold empty space next to him only made him feel more alone but he needed a fresh start no matter how much he hated this current condition.<p>

He had stuck his foot in his mouth while talking to Liv last night and now was paying the price. He knew she was scared that he would leave again and this time it would affect both Noah and her. However he knew that day would never come. She was all he ever wanted and he had to find a way to make her see that he was always going to be there.

The problem was how to convince her. He had never been good talking about his emotions. He had opened up more in the last week than ever before but it didn't appear to be enough. It looked like he was going to need to become an open book to Olivia as well as show her through his actions that he wasn't going to give up without a fight. If she thought she could just walk away, she was mistaken.

His greatest concern was that she would walk away or run away was probably a better term. It's what she always did when things got rough and it happened again last night. She let her doubts get to her and instead of talking about them she ran with Noah. Elliot knew Noah was going to make things harder because Liv would use him as an excuse not to continue this relationship but the rewards were worth it. Noah had already wormed his way into Elliot's heart and he wasn't letting him go either.

Elliot shifted in bed but no position helped ease his mind to allow him to sleep. His mind kept turning the events of last night over and over again. He knew he shouldn't have mentioned Liv's experience. What the hell had he been thinking...he hadn't been that was clear. His attempt at being flippant had back fired. In all his time working with Liv, he had always said sex should be enjoyable but he had made it sound like something dirty. Yeah, it killed him when she was with other men but he had no right to question her choices though because he had been with his wife. It did worry him that when they finally became intimate he may not live up to her expectations and experiences.

He had dated a few women while separated from Kathy but Dani was the only one he had kissed and that is as far as he ever went. While Kathy and he were having problems he couldn't forget his vows and actually sleep with someone else so to say he was lacking experience was an understatement. From sharing a locker room with a bunch of cops, he knew physically he had no issues but like they say it's how you use it. Kathy and he had been so young when Maureen came around, they barely knew what they were doing. They proved they were good at making babies but inventive they were not. Kathy wasn't the Cosmo girl type so she didn't initiate anything in the bedroom. And while Elliot had tried a few times, he realized quickly Kathy wasn't interested in trying anything new. Missionary was about as far as their experiences went and while Elliot may pleasure Kathy orally occasionally when she allowed it she had no desire to reciprocate. Add in the fact the frequency went down over the years to almost non-existent, it was easy to say his sex life sucked. Sex was not all he wanted from Liv...far from it but he hoped she would let him eventually try out every fantasy he had about her.

While the thoughts of his failed marriage and sex life were not a turn on, thinking of all the things he wanted to do with Olivia was. It was always the same...seeing her, being with her or even thinking about her made him hot and hard in no time. However the thought of taking matters into his own hands held no appeal to him. He wanted Liv to help him with his big problem but with the current state of affairs it may be a while before that happened. He wasn't going to give up though. There was no way he was going to rest now so might as well get up. Maybe a good workout would help clear his mind he thought as he rolled over and got out of bed.

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><p>Apartment of Olivia Benson<p>

Manhattan, New York

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><p>Meanwhile in Olivia's apartment, she was having similar issues. While she managed to fall asleep for a brief period, she just woke up in a cold sweat due to her dreams. They hadn't been chainsaw wielding maniacs chasing after her scary...they were even worse. Elliot had chosen to go back to Kathy to live out their perfect life while Noah and she had been left in the cold world alone. Next to something happening to Noah, this was her greatest fear since El had come back in the last week. Had it only been a week?<p>

In such a short time, they had fallen back into sync and actually expanded their relationship. She had wanted to go slower for Noah's sake and to try and protect her heart but with the first kiss all those thoughts flew out the window. His kiss was intoxicating. It was a drug and she couldn't get enough. He had initiated most of their exchanges but that was only because she appeared to have a little bit more restraint than he did.

She was easily pulled under when they kissed. She wanted more...damn she wanted more. If he had been a normal date before Noah, she probably would have had him in her bed already or the very least progressed beyond first base.

Elliot wasn't entirely at fault for yesterday's argument. It was her insecurities that caused the problems. She could admit she had more experience but not because she wanted them. Since being partnered with Elliot, she was always looking for someone like him but no one ever lived up to the real thing. Her desire to see him happy had forced her to try and help salvage his marriage on several occurrences even though all she wanted to do was stake her claim to him. When it finally looked like they may have a chance during his separation, she ran scarred and he choose someone else. That's what hurt the most.

And if that wasn't bad enough the attempted rape at Sealview and then the torture at the hands of Lewis only made matters worse. While therapy had helped, there were still demons she hadn't slain yet. If Elliot ever found out the details, there was probably no way he would want anything to do with her so maybe it was better last night ended the way it did. The boys hadn't become attached yet and Elliot would eventually give up and move on to another woman. It was only a matter of time before he had every single woman and some of the married ones too in the NYPD falling at his feet. Oh his ego would love that. There had been so many people before who would have willingly crossed the line if he gave them the time of day and now with him being single they would go on the offensive.

As for Liv, she would go on. She was badass Benson nothing phased her. She had Noah now so she could force all her energy on him and the job. She didn't need El or any man for that matter. And honestly until the earth shattering kisses from Elliot, she hadn't missed the physical aspect of a relationship. With the trauma from Lewis, she no longer felt comfortable in her own skin. She couldn't even open up to Brian about the experience. Elliot wasn't the only one who hadn't been loved in a long time.

Liv's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. She didn't need to look to know it was El so she let it go to voicemail.

A brief few minutes later, a ding by her phone signaled Elliot had left a message. She debated for several minutes on whether to listen or not but her curiosity won out and she took a deep breath before pushing the play button on the voicemail.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I should have never been so flippant with some of my comments last night. I was trying to lighten the mood and I only made things worse. I have the utmost respect for you and I would never call you a...a...that name. You know it's not easy for me to talk about myself but I'll share everything with you to prove you mean everything to me. I'm an open book ask me anything and I will tell you." Liv could hear the strain in El's voice. She heard him pause for a moment before continuing. "Honey, I know you are scared and I am too. I don't want to screw this up. I can't screw this up. When you get this message, call or text me. At the very least, let me know you are ok. Take care and give Noah a hug from me. Miss you. Bye."

At the sound of his voice, Liv's heart clenched. She already missed him so much. She wasn't sure how she was going to move on but she had to find a way. Liv forgot one thing though. When Elliot wanted something, he was relentless in his pursuit.

* * *

><p>By 5:00 pm, Olivia had lost count of the number of texts and phone calls from El. They were all along the same lines as the initial call. She tried to ignore them but could never bring herself to delete them instead she listened or read each one. Each one had left her wanting to talk to him, see him, kiss him...make love to him. Neither Noah nor work could distract her from her thoughts of El.<p>

At 6:00 pm, she finally caved as she picked up her phone and sent a text to him.

_L: I'm fine._

She hoped that would be enough to get El to let up but she should have known better as a response was quick to come.

_E: No you are not. But at least I know you are getting my messages. I'm sorry about last night. Can we talk?_

_L: I don't think that's such a good idea. Its best we just forget about this._

_E: Hell no Liv. I'm not giving up on US! I'll do whatever it takes to convince you I want a life with you and Noah._

Olivia wished it was that easy but she knew it wasn't

_L: El, it's not that simple._

_E: Yes it is. I know you are scared. So am I but I'm not going to let that stop me._

If he knew how broken she was, he would never want anything to do with her.

_L: There are things you don't know._

_E: Then tell me when you are ready to. I'm not going anywhere. There are things you don't know either. That's part of being in a relationship getting to know each other._

He made it sound so easy Olivia thought. Liv wondered if it was possible that for once a man would be willing to fight for their relationship instead of walking away.

_L: El, I don't know._

_E: Baby, please just give us a chance. And to answer your question from last night...I didn't choose them over you. It may have seemed like it but I was a mess and you deserved better than me. You still do. Back then they were the safe bet. If I screwed up, it wouldn't matter. But if I would have screwed up with you I would have destroyed both of us and I couldn't take that chance. It only made us miserable though. I'm not willing to settle for anyone else now so I'm taking the chance. I still don't deserve you but I'm going to be the selfish prick everyone accuses me of being and I'm going after what I want and need. Just so I'm crystal clear here. I want you Olivia Benson and Noah. I know it's a package deal and I wouldn't want it any other way. And I'm not giving up until I have you and don't worry I don't plan on giving you two up either. This is for keeps._

Liv could barely see the screen on her phone as she read the message. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks as she typed he reply.

_L: I need time. I'll call you._

_E: I'll hold you to that sweetheart. Have a good night and give our boy a hug and kiss from me._

Liv couldn't believe what he had just told her. In the course of a day, everything had changed from the depths of despair to the glowing possibility of the life she always wanted. Leave it to El to know her better than she did even after all of these years. Now she only needed to find the strength to open herself up and take a leap of faith that Elliot would catch her no matter what she told him.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Notes: All the reviews and follows fill my heart with joy. Thank you! It's been a while since _mimimac_ requested the confrontation with Cragen but here it is. I hope I did it justice.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>After spending a good evening with his family, Elliot had taken it upon himself to show Liv how much she meant to him on this warm Monday morning. While he knew it would probably raise questions, he had sent flowers to the precinct. He hoped she liked them and wouldn't hurt him for any questions about her love life that her squad would likely raise.<p>

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><p>Don Cragen's Residence<p>

Manhattan, New York

Monday, September 22

* * *

><p>While the task of sending flowers was relatively easy, Elliot knew his next appointment would not be. Stabler was currently preparing himself to take on probably the second hardest discussion since his return. He was standing at the door of Don Cragen's townhouse. Cragen, his former captain, was like a father to Olivia and Elliot. He risked his job on several occasions for both of them and like a true son Elliot had let him down occasionally but he also had made his Captain very proud at times as well. However after the discovery that Cragen withheld information from Liv, he felt betrayed by his captain. He trusted him to let Liv know the truth and to look after her but instead he lied and caused her pain.<p>

El raised his hand and knocked at the door and waited for Cragen to answer. As Don opened the door, Elliot took one last deep breath and tried to relax for the impeding conversation that was likely going to send his temper through the roof.

Cragen must not have looked via the peep hole because the surprise was evident on his face but he recovered quickly and said, "Elliot."

Stabler took in Cragen's appearance once the door was opened. The man had more wrinkles around his eyes and mouth than he remembered but overall he looked the same. "Cap," Elliot replied.

Cragen chuckled at the use of his old rank. It appeared some habits die hard. "Don, please. Come in," Cragen said as he moved aside to allow Elliot to enter.

"Thanks," Elliot mumbled while he walked into the townhome.

Stabler followed Don through the entry way and into the living room. The townhome was furnished in typical masculine furniture and the walls were your standard white. While clean, it showed that Cragen was still single since there was no feminine touches to be found anywhere. "Elliot, have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?"

Elliot took a seat on the couch and said, "No, I'm good."

Don took his seat in the leather recliner next to the couch. "I had heard you were back in town. I wondered how long it would be before you came to see me."

"Well it would probably have been sooner but the commissioner got to me first and things just sort of fell into place after that but you know all of that already don't you."

Cragen didn't try to hide the fact he had been keeping tabs on Elliot. "I do. I had to make sure he honored our agreement."

Elliot nodded his head and asked, "He did but I want to know why you didn't."

Don knew that look and voice all too well even though it had been several years since he last experienced it. Elliot may seem calm to an outsider but the slight tremor in his voice spoke of the barely controlled anger that was directed entirely at him. "Elliot, it's not what you think."

"Really, how do you know what I'm thinking?" He spat out.

It was Don's turn to shake his head. "Honestly you are pretty easy to read when it comes to Olivia. You think I did this to keep you two apart...hoping she would move on past you but that's not the case."

"I don't believe you."

"I know you don't. Let me explain. It wasn't easy for any of us with you gone. There was this hole in the unit and to put it mildly Liv was a bitch to deal with. She kept calling you but you didn't respond. I know you had your reasons at first and then later you couldn't but that didn't help her."

"Yeah. I needed to get my head straight first but we had an agreement you would tell her what was going on since I wouldn't be able to. If you would have kept your end of the deal, she wouldn't think I abandoned her and she wouldn't worry. Did you even plan on telling her when we talked?"

"Honestly, no. But you have to understand..."

Elliot was in no mood to understand so he interrupted Don, "No, you need to understand what you have cost us. She's running scared and while this is partly my fault for my past mistakes I can't help thinking that she would have more faith in us if she would have known where I was."

"Elliot, what did you expect? Her to wait for you."

Elliot was quickly losing his composure and shouted, "Yes! We loved each other. We wanted to be together. I waited over 15 years to have her."

"And that's why I didn't tell her. She needed some type of closure so she could have a life. If she knew you were undercover, she would have always wondered if you were ok and she would have had no personal life. Work would have been the only thing she had except for the rare update on your case. She would have become a shell of herself. This way she may have hurt for a while but she did eventually move on and have a life outside of work. You should be thankful she was able to find some happiness. We both know this job makes that almost impossible."

Elliot launched himself off the couch and started to head for Cragen but stopped short. He took a deep breath before grounding out, "You had no right making that decision for her or me. She could have chosen not to wait if that wasn't what she wanted. I wouldn't have blamed her either. She deserves to be happy but you took that away. And as much as it kills me I'm glad she found some comfort while I was gone even if it was with Brian Cassidy." Elliot knew if he remained looking at Cragen he was likely going to do something that would land him in jail so he started pacing the small living room while he continued, "And everything you said is pure speculation anyway. We will never know how she would have reacted if you told her. I think you just wanted to make things easier for yourself. If I wasn't around and if Olivia thought I was gone, everyone would just forget me and you could have your perfect little department."

"Yeah, things were easier at times when you weren't there but you and Olivia were the best the NYPD had ever saw. I know I could never break you two up because you would both leave but here was my chance to make sure Liv got the recognition she deserved that she didn't get while you were around because she always had to cover up or fix your mess. How many times did she cover for you and put her career at stake?"

"Just as many as I did for her. That's what partners do."

"You two were always more."

"That's the first thing I can agree with you on but we never crossed the line."

"You may not have had sex but you crossed so many lines you two didn't know where the line was any more. How many boyfriends did you chase away? Or how many times did she try to fix your marriage and family? Partners don't do that."

"Yeah, we both know how stupid we were for denying it for so long. We are getting off topic here. If you cared so much about Liv, where the hell were you and everyone else when Lewis took her? You were supposed to watch her and take care of her because I couldn't do it while I was gone.

Cragen was out of his seat and in Elliot's face shooting, "You, son of a bitch. Don't you dare come in here and blame me for what happened with Lewis."

Stabler didn't back down and took a step closer to his former captain, "Who else should I blame? You were supposed to protect her? How do you not place police protection at her apartment? Or notice she is missing? That bastard was out running lose and you knew he was obsessed with Liv."

The two men stood nose to nose with neither of them backing down. Don yelled, "She would never agree to the protection."

"You don't give her a choice!" Elliot fired back.

Cragen backed down and sat down in the recliner, "You have met Benson before right?"

Elliot was still pissed. He couldn't understand Cragen's actions. He threw his hands up and shouted, "You were her captain! Make it an order."

Cragen's voice cracked with emotion as he said, "I thought Brian was going to be there. We all did. I gave her time off after Lewis was let go to relax so I didn't expect her in the office."

Elliot was back to pacing the room again. His chest was heaving as he replied, "So you assumed everything was ok. You basically served her up on a silver platter for that guy. That's some way of protecting her. I would have never let that happened.

"You weren't here so you don't get to judge."

"Whose fault was that? You should have brought me home. I could have helped find her."

"We couldn't risk it and there wasn't anything more you could have done. We were doing everything to find her."

Elliot exploded once again, "Bullshit! The only reason she is still alive is because she is who she is. She saved herself but at what cost." The silence after Stabler's statement was almost deafening. Cragen knew Elliot was right. Elliot finally voiced the question that he wasn't sure he wanted answer to but had to ask, "Don, what's not in those reports?"

Cragen was surprised at Elliot's use of his first name but tried to not let it show. While he wanted to tell Stabler more, it wasn't his place. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes, you do. There are things that just don't make sense."

Don knew that the answers needed to come from Olivia so he held tough as he replied, "If you want to know what happened talk to Olivia."

"You see that's the problem. We aren't exactly talking right now and I would bet everything it's because of what happened with Lewis."

Don couldn't keep the surprise off his face or in his voice this time, "You've talked to Liv?"

"More than talk. Everything was going great until Saturday night and then she bolted when a conversation got to difficult."

A chuckle escaped Cragen as he said, "Sounds like our Olivia."

"Yeah but I'm not going to let her get away with it. I've waited long enough to make her mine."

Don was amazed Elliot would come right out and state his intentions. Cragen knew Elliot was nothing but trouble for Olivia which is why he stated, "Maybe she doesn't want you and that's why she left."

Elliot turned to look Cragen in the eyes as he said, "Unlikely. We were talking about my divorce and then a portion of the undercover job. I tried to lighten the mood with a joke but it backfired. I don't know why but I would bet my house it was because of something that happened with Lewis."

"Well you've read the reports so there is nothing more than I can tell you."

Elliot knew his old captain was still trying to protect Olivia but he had to try one last time to get the answers he needed, "You can't or won't?"

"Does it matter? If she wants you to know then she will tell you."

"I guess it was too much to expect your help. This isn't over yet. If I find out you could have done something to save her this pain you will pay." With those words, Elliot made his way to leave Cragen's home.

With Elliot no longer looking at him, the pain Cragen had been holding in leaked out of his voice, "You know you are not the only one who loves her. You don't think I died a little inside during all of this. Don't you think I worked like hell to get her back?"

Elliot had stopped at Don's words but didn't make any attempt to turn around before he replied, "If you would have done your job right in the first place, she wouldn't have been in that position."

And with those words, Elliot stormed out and missed Cragen's whispered, "I know," before he collapsed back into his chair and finally let the tears fall down his cheeks.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Notes: I know this chapter isn't as long as the others but I promise the next chapter will make up for it. Spoiler Warnings for Pornstar's Requiem.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Sergeant Olivia Benson's Office<p>

Manhattan SVU

Thursday, September 25

* * *

><p>As she sat in her office, Olivia tried to stop thinking about her current case and Evie Barnes but it didn't appear to be possible. While they waited for sentencing to be handed out tomorrow, she had gone to Hudson University to talk about the expulsion of Evie with the president of the university. Outside of SVU and the DA's office, it appeared no one wanted to stand up for the girl. She may have not made the best decision by choosing to become a porn actress but that gave no one the right to rape her. The way she had talked to the president reminded her of her partner so much...ex-partner. Only back for a couple weeks and he was already influencing her. It was likely Dodds was going to have her ass for her confrontation, but she couldn't stand by and do nothing.<p>

Olivia turned her head and focused on the flowers on her desk to distract herself. They were beautiful and made her feel special. Olivia couldn't remember the last time someone had given her flowers or any present for that matter. She had survived all the questions and looks from her squad without revealing who they were from and luckily the card had said simply, "Call me when you are ready. Miss you and Noah." so it held no clue as to her mystery admirer either. When she read the card, it had taken everything she had to not cry and when Fin even went so far as to suggest they may be from Trevor Langan, Oliva had almost lost it and blurted out they were from El. While Langan and she may have spent some time together recently due to Noah, there was no way she would ever date the guy especially with El back.

Since the flowers arrived on Monday, Olivia had been trying to figure out what she should do about El. There were pros and cons to both sides but one thing that kept running through her mind was how much she had missed El's presence since the shooting. His leaving had left an empty hole in her heart which no one and nothing could fill until she had seen him earlier this month. With the chance meeting and subsequent time together, the emptiness was gone and she knew that there was no way she wanted to return to that existence. And after the last few hellish days, she had come to the conclusion there really was only one thing she wanted and that was to fall into his arms and never let go.

After texting with El briefly on Sunday, he had stopped the numerous calls and texts and instead sent her only two texts each day...one in the morning and one at night. The morning text was simply..."Good Morning Beautiful. I hope you slept well and I hope you and Noah have a great day." The evening texts were along the lines of "Sweet dreams Baby. I miss you and can't wait until I see your beautiful smile again. Give Noah a hug. See you in my dreams." The messages had meant the world to her. He was giving her space but showing Noah and herself were in his thoughts. She had found herself pulling her phone out throughout the day re-reading the messages.

The latest message had just come in and she couldn't help staring at it. "Baby, I heard about the case. Congrats on the guilty verdict. I also hear you paid a little visit to the President of Hudson...I would have loved to see that. Try to relax and enjoy your time with Noah tonight. Miss you."

After the way she treated El, she couldn't believe how much he cared and was showing it. She loved this side of him. Loved. She couldn't say it out loud yet, but her mind had just thrown it out there. Could she risk it all though? Could she tell him her secrets? Would he run if he knew the truth? There was only one way to find out and only one way to get what she wanted. She would have to tell him about Sealview, Haden, Cassidy and Lewis. She only hoped she was as strong as Elliot always said she was.

With her mind made up, Olivia texted a message to El.

_L: Miss you too and Eli._

The response was instantaneous.

_E: He's told everyone who will listen about the fair. He can't wait to see you two again. I can't either._

Liv's heart soared at his words. She wanted to see Eli as well but that would have to wait for now.

_L: Do you think he could wait a little longer? I really need to talk to his Daddy first._

_E: You name the place and time and I'll be there._

_L: Tomorrow night. My place. 8pm_

_E: Works for me. If you get hung up at work just let me know._

Liv couldn't believe how easy El was making this for her but she was very thankful for it.

_L: Same goes for you._

_E: Thanks but no one will dare to make me late._

Elliot's arrogance could clearly be heard in the text.

_L: Thank you for being patient_

_E: I'll wait as long as it takes._

Liv wasn't sure how to respond to El's words. They meant everything to her but there was no way to convey that in a few short words via texting.

_L: See you soon. Sweet dreams, El_

_E: Always because you are in them. Night Baby_

Liv hoped Elliot would feel the same way tomorrow after their talk. And maybe just maybe she would finally get the man of her dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Notes: Well for better or worse here is the next chapter. Warning: This chapter deals with sexual assault, rape and torture and contains quite a few spoilers for SVU. I'm trying to keep everything as close to canon as possible but I haven't seen every episode since Chris Meloni left the show so I apologize if I have any of the details incorrect. It's been a very difficult chapter to write due to the material I needed to cover and I hope I did it justice. I pray none of us ever have to endure a sexual assault. I thought about splitting this chapter but decided to give you everything instead of making it a cliff hanger. Thank you for all the reviews and please drop me a comment to let me know what you think of this chapter.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Apartment of Olivia Benson<p>

Manhattan, New York

Friday, September 26

* * *

><p>At times throughout the day, Elliot thought he was doomed to miss his date with Olivia. It had been one meeting after another for him and he was beginning to think maybe being a captain wasn't such a good thing after all. Then a case had been dropped on him but he had managed to locate the boyfriend of the victim and arrest him for raping his girlfriend. He was now racing across town and it looked like he would make it with a few minutes to spare.<p>

He had a feeling it was going to be a long night but hopefully by the end things would be back on track. He couldn't even think about the alternative of not being with Olivia. As he stood outside Liv's apartment waiting for her to answer, he wished he would have changed out of his suit but he was so worried about making it on time he hadn't even thought about changing or bring a change of clothes.

The door swung open to reveal a freshly showered Liv wearing a NYPD sweatshirt and black yoga pants. It may not have been an evening gown but it didn't matter to El. He was drinking her in like a man who hadn't had water in days and the weight which had been laying heavy on his heart was finally removed. He could see the week had been hard on her as well. He wanted nothing more than to draw her into his arms and never let go but he didn't want to push. Tonight, he was letting her call the shots and set the pace.

"Hi," Olivia said.

"Hi. I feel a little over dressed," Elliot replied with a smile.

"I have a solution for that," Liv said as she took his hand and pulled him into the apartment. While El had been taking in her appearance, Liv had been doing the same thing. The dark suit and tie looked amazing on him. His eyes looked so blue and the fabric showed off his fabulous physique. The man must be living in a gym she thought. With El's hand in hers, Liv's world started to spin the right way again. She hoped by the end of this night he would still want to be with her. However she was going to live for the moment just in case.

Liv lead El deeper into the apartment and then stopped him next to the breakfast bar. There was a question in El's eyes but he said nothing as Liv took her hands and placed them under his jacket by his hips. She slowly ran her hands up his stomach which caused El to jerk slightly at the contact and then on to his chest where she stopped briefly to feel the pounding of his heart before continuing up to push the jacket off his shoulders. She caught it before it fell to the floor and laid it on one of the chairs. She looked into his eyes and could see the need and want and something else she wasn't quite ready to admit she saw. She moved her hands to his necktie and worked on removing it. Once it was undone, she pulled it off and placed it on top of the jacket. With shaking fingers, Liv undid the first few buttons on his shirt too. She ventured one last look at El before sliding her arms down and around his waist to pull herself into a tight hug with her head buried under his neck breathing in his essence.

Throughout it all Elliot had remained as still as possible. He wanted to be able to give her whatever she needed and it wasn't like it was hard to let this gorgeous woman run her hands over his body...well it was but hopefully she didn't notice that reaction just yet. When Liv had finally looked at him, he tried to convey all his emotions through his eyes. They had always communicated well non-verbally and today was no exception. He could see how much she wanted him. As Liv's arms finally wrapped around him, he was propelled into action. His arms wrapped around her body and anchored her to him. He was quite happy to stand there all night if that is what she wanted. If he had to venture a guess, this was her way of gaining the strength she needed before she told him some deep dark secret that she was convinced would drive him away. However he knew there was nothing that could ever make that happen.

Neither one was sure how long they stood there but eventually Liv moved back slightly so she could look into the face of the man that meant everything to her. She knew they needed to talk but one last thing needed to be done first. With one arm still wrapped around El's waist, she ran the other up his back to his neck and with the slightest pressure urged his head down. Elliot showed no hesitation as he lowered his head and covered Liv's lips tenderly with his. El tried to keep the kiss light but the small moan that escaped Liv's throat spurred the man into action. He ran his hand up her back and into her silky hair holding her exactly where he wanted her as he ran his tongue over her lips begging to be let in. Liv granted the request and eagerly met his tongue with her own causing the kiss to grow in intensity. The taste and feel of each other was causing pure pleasure for them but the need for oxygen caused them to pull back.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to take control like that. I just needed to feel..."

Elliot quickly interrupted Olivia, "Nothing to be sorry for. I needed that just as much as you did. When you left, I thought that might be it," El said as he moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear and then caressed her cheek.

Olivia pulled away from El and walked towards the couch, "Well we still have a lot to talk about. You may not want to hang around afterwards."

"That is never going to happen," El stated as he followed behind her.

"You may want to wait until you hear what I say first."

"For sake of another argument, I'll wait but I can guarantee you we are going to be fine." Elliot was looking around but found no signs of Noah. "Where is the little man?"

Liv moved over to El and took his hand again and pulled him towards her bedroom.

Elliot loved how touchy feely Liv was being tonight but wasn't sure what she was up to now, "Liv?"

"Get your head out of the gutter, Stabler," she said as she opened up the door to reveal a sleeping Noah. "Poor little guy had a long day with Lucy. He pretty much crashed right after I fed him dinner. I put him in here so that we wouldn't disturb him."

"He's adorable. I swear he's grown since Saturday," Elliot said as he quietly made his way over to the sleeping boy and tucked the blanket back around Noah before making his way back to Olivia who stood in the doorway.

"Maybe a little. He's growing up so fast," she replied as she closed the door again. They moved back into the living room and she asked, "Did you eat?"

"I had something a little bit ago but if you haven't..."

Liv interrupted El, "No. I a...not right now. Maybe later. What about a drink?"

"Whatever you are having," Elliot replied.

"OK," Olivia said as she moved into the kitchen, grabbed two beers and made her way back to Elliot and gave him one of the bottles.

"Thanks," Elliot said and then took a long drink.

Liv took a seat at the other end of the couch and turned towards Stabler. She wished they could act as if Saturday night never happened but that wasn't possible and the longer she put off the discussion the harder it would become. Olivia took one more sip before she began, "I want to apologize for the other night and running out like that. I over reacted and old habits die hard. I should have stayed and talked things through."

"Liv, I'm sorry that what I said upset you so much. I didn't want to cause you any pain by what I said," Elliot said.

Liv continued, "I think that if we didn't cause each other some pain about talking about the past we should be worried. It means that we care...maybe more than we should but if there was no pain then this wouldn't matter."

"I understand and agree but I still don't want to hurt you. I have a feeling the problem was more with a comment I made about our experiences though. I was just trying to lighten the mood but I failed."

"Yeah and that's why I need to tell you things. I only ask that you hear me out. You've told me quite a bit about our time apart and I guess it's my turn now. Some of this isn't going to be easy for either one of us though."

"Whatever and whenever you want to tell me I'm always here for you," Elliot replied while looking directly into her beautiful face. No matter what he would always have her back.

"Thank you. I can't guarantee this will all make sense at times but hopefully it will eventually. I know you think you know everything about me and you do know most everything but there is one thing I never told you about while we were partners...it was just too hard. If we are really going to make this work, I don't want there to be any more secrets."

The confusion was clear on Elliot's face but he remained quiet waiting for Liv to continue.

"I told you nothing happened at Sealview but that wasn't exactly true. Everything that was in my report was true but I left out the part where Harris had me cuffed to a door with me on my knees. He a...he was pissed. There was nothing I could do. He started working on pulling down his zipper and pulling out his penis. He was right in front of me and said if I bit him that he would kill me. I had no idea where Fin was and I didn't think he was going to find me before it was too late.

"We tell victims not to fight because there is a better chance at survival and I thought here it is I'm going to have to put that theory to the test for myself. Things would have been different if I wasn't handcuffed...I could have bitten him or fought more but that wasn't an option. He placed his hands on my head, I turned my head trying to escape but there was nowhere to go. He rubbed his penis on my face...my a...my lips but I wouldn't open my mouth. He finally used his hands to force my mouth open but before he could stick his penis in Fin got there and stopped the attack."

Elliot was seething. She had gone through the painful ordeal without him. He should have been there. He knew something wasn't right after that case…why didn't he try harder to get her to open up about her time undercover. And why did it take Fin so long to find her? He should have protected her better. And he sure as hell should have told him something had happened at Sealview.

Olivia could practically see the wheels spinning in El's head. She knew he was pissed that Fin wasn't there sooner to stop things and he was likely blaming himself for not being there too "El, you can't blame Fin. He saved me and I made him promise to never say anything even to you. The only other person who knows how close Harris came is Melinda."

"Liv, why didn't you tell me? I would have been there for you."

"It was hard enough to admit it to myself. I know I could trust you. That wasn't the issue I just didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to just put it behind me and forget that it ever happened. I eventually had to see a psychiatrist though because I started having flashbacks and I almost shot a suspect because of it. You were going through things with Kathleen and I couldn't burden you with my problems. You needed to help your daughter."

Elliot couldn't believe her. Liv was going through one of the hardest things a woman may ever deal with and she was worried about his family more than herself. How was he ever going to make her understand and believe she was just as important as the people she was always trying to take care of? "I understand why you thought that way but I need you to promise me that you come to me...I pray to God nothing like this happens again." Elliot paused to regain his control…just the thought of anyone even possibly touching Liv angered hm. He took both of her hands in his before he continued, "I'm not just talking about an attack...I mean anything no matter how trivial I want to know...help if I can. At the very least hold you when the nightmares come and chase them away. I'm so glad Fin got there in time. I wished I was there though…that bastard wouldn't have made it out alive."

"I'm glad you were not there. I would much rather have you here than visiting you in jail."

Elliot gave Liv's hands a squeeze and started rubbing his thumb over Liv's fingers "I would have to agree with you there, sweetheart. I would much rather be here. Did the therapist help?"

"Yes. It helped with the flashbacks and the nightmares but I still have issues with a...with some acts," Olivia said as she looked down at their hands. She couldn't bring herself to look at Elliot right now. "I tried a couple times but I couldn't do it."

"Baby...," Elliot whispered.

A tear rolled down Olivia's cheek as she said, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to..."

Elliot couldn't take it any more to watch her sit there looking defeated and so small. That wasn't the woman he knew. He moved next to her and pulled her into his arms as he said, "Shhh. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to me."

Olivia had been surprised to find herself in Elliot's arms since she was convinced this would drive him away from her. Based on their discussion the other night, she knew his experiences were limited but this was a basic act of pleasure that he would likely never have again if they got together. "Come on, El. Are telling me that you could live without that?"

He wanted to scream at the injustice but managed to reign in his anger before he replied, "Yes. You mean way more to me than making you do something you don't want to do. And if anyone ever pressured you into doing it then I hope you kicked him in the balls and walked out. He didn't deserve you. Sex should be the most enjoyable act between two people and there is no way I could enjoy something if you didn't or if it caused you pain." Elliot placed a kiss to the top of her head at the conclusion of his words.

"Thank you," Olivia said as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"You don't need to thank me," Elliot replied as he held her close.

"Maybe not but I needed to hear you say that. Unfortunately guys don't understand. If I couldn't tell my best friend, I sure as hell couldn't tell anyone else. I thought maybe I had found someone who understood with David Haden but it wasn't meant to be."

"He was the ADA, right. Porter said you guys were probably on the way to the alter."

Olivia chuckled as she said, "Yeah and not even close. Porter was just yanking your chain. He was a good distraction and maybe it would have gone somewhere but he called it quits before it really got started."

"Distraction?" Elliot questioned.

"Yeah. I was still having trouble accepting you were gone. David made me feel wanted which is what I needed. As much as he provided a distraction, I couldn't have stayed with him. We had differences of opinion. I should have known not to date a lawyer."

"Liv, I know Porter was winding me up. I won't lie it killed me to hear the bullshit he was saying but I would never hold it against you. And if he helped chase away the loneliness for a time then so be it."

"You are being way more understanding than I thought you would be," Olivia replied. She was loving being held by Elliot. She only hoped he continued to be this understanding.

"Liv, I had left. We weren't married. I have no right to judge you."

"You always did when we were partners. How many times did you run background checks on the guys I was dating or chased them off for that matter?"

"I know I was an ass but none of those guys were ever good enough for you. And I can finally admit it. I was jealous as hell. I wanted you but I was stuck in a loveless marriage."

With Elliot's words, she pulled away far enough so she could look up into Elliot's face and replied, "Wow, you finally admitted that you are an ass."

There she is Elliot thought. "Ha, ha, ha. I know I had no right but that didn't stop me. I just couldn't watch you fall for someone else."

"I know. It pissed me off at the time but now it doesn't matter. After David, I dated some but there wasn't anyone special until Brian."

"Hearing about you dating Cassidy was a surprise."

"You weren't the only one. I think I even shocked myself. He came back into my life during a rough time. Cragen was arrested for murder and then brought up on charges of sodomy which in the end would all be dropped but not without damaging his reputation. Nick Amaro, one of my detectives, actually thought Brian was responsible for Cragen's arrest so of course they didn't get along. After Brian was shot during it all, I visited him in the hospital and I ended up kissing him. We just let things happen from there. Later Brian would be brought up on rape charges, which were a scam, but that's when everyone found out about us. He helped me through the whole Lewis ordeal but in the end we wanted different things. I wanted children and he didn't."

"He's crazy. Any man who wouldn't want a baby with you is not right in the head."

"El, it's understandable...not everyone wants children. As much as it hurt, I'm glad I wasn't pregnant with his baby. I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to stay with me."

Elliot was surprised and it could clearly be heard in his response of, "You thought you were pregnant?"

"Yes, but I wasn't. I'm getting too old to have a baby myself. It was probably early signs of menopause the doctor said. But it led to Brian and I calling it quits because even if I can't have a child naturally I will adopt...Noah is proof of that."

Elliot shook his head. He couldn't believe that Brian would willingly walk away from Olivia. "I still say he's crazy. He had you. I can't even believe he would give you up. No way in hell will I ever do that."

"Our lives were going in different directions. He may have wanted me but he didn't want to be tied down," Olivia replied as she turned her head to stare off into space.

Elliot could tell she was holding something back and then it hit him like a ton of bricks, "Are you telling me he cheated on you?"

Leave it to Elliot to read between the lines Olivia thought. "I don't know. He was undercover a lot and there were girls but he swore he never did."

"Did you believe him?" Elliot asked.

"Yes...No...I don't know," Olivia said with defeat in her voice. She wanted to believe he wouldn't cheat on her but she wasn't sure.

"Liv, what did he do?"

"It was more what I couldn't do," Olivia responded.

"What?" Elliot questioned.

"El, Brian will always be special. He helped me through the whole Lewis ordeal."

"I hear a 'but' in there, Liv."

Olivia moved out of Elliot's arms and stood up. She moved over to one of the windows and looked out as she tried to explain, "You have to understand he helped take care of me while I was recovering from what Lewis did to me. We moved in together afterwards. Once we settled in here, I think he thought things would go back to normal but even with the therapy I was struggling. I didn't want to talk about it with him. I couldn't bring myself to get intimate with him. It was the last thing on my mind. He never pushed me to go farther than I was comfortable with at first but eventually he hinted we should try to have sex again. He kept making suggestions and I finally gave in and we tried a few times but I would eventually push him away and bolt for the bathroom. We eventually managed to have sex...he got what he wanted but I was left unsatisfied. He knew I didn't get off and when I turned away from him when he tried to finish the job he couldn't handle it. He stormed out and I have no idea where he went. He didn't come back until morning. He apologized for leaving and we tried to make the relationship work but that was the beginning of the end for us. He was gone more frequently and then we had the pregnancy scare. We never tried having sex again. I just couldn't set myself up for the potential disappointment."

El was livid. He didn't know what to say but if he ever saw Cassidy he would kill him. She had been through a traumatic experience with Lewis and all Cassidy cared about was himself. He was afraid to ask but he had to know so that he could help Liv heal. "Liv, was the reason you couldn't be with Brian because Lewis raped you?"

She knew she would need to tell him but she didn't know if she was ready or not. "I imagine you've read everything you could get your hands on about Lewis."

Elliot nodded. "Yes but I would like to hear your version of events instead of what was in the reports or the sensationalized version from the papers. As painful as it will be, I would like to hear about everything or at least as much as you are willing to share too. Ultimately the only thing I really need to know is what I can see right in front of me and that is that you are alive and that bastard isn't. I thank God every day that you were strong enough to beat Lewis," Elliot said from his position on the couch. He wanted to go to Olivia and hold her but he knew her. She wouldn't welcome his touch right now. She would want to tell the story on her own to prove that she truly beat the bastard.

Olivia began to slowly pace the area in front of the windows as she began, "Some things are still blurry in my mind while others play out in technicolor. He never raped me. I know that for sure but he made me watch as he brutally raped one woman and I watched as he killed a fellow police officer too. There was nothing I could do to save them. I should have been able to save them...that's my job. He left plenty of other reminders of those days too. He was waiting in my own home…he beat and burned me and forced alcohol down my throat. My apartment was virtually destroyed during the non-stop verbal and physical abuse. Eventually he moved me to a different location where the abuse continued. He even tortured me with your memory. We discussed what would happen if you were there. I told him you would know exactly what to do. You would show him no mercy.

"He didn't realize what a mistake it was to bring you up though. During those moments, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of you. You were my strength...my rock. I had no idea where you were but I knew I couldn't give up. You wouldn't give up. I was able to get out of my restraints while Lewis was talking to the housekeeper and her daughter. When he came back, I overpowered him but instead of calling Cragen right away I waited. I convinced the family to run away and not tell anyone or they would be sent back to Mexico. When they left, I lost it when he brought you up again and beat him almost to death before calling the precinct and telling them where to find me. The little prick survived though. "

"He deserved everything you dished out baby," he said. El's arms ached from wanting to hold Liv but he stayed rooted to the couch and allowed her to continue her story.

"He may have deserved it but I'm sworn to uphold the law and I did anything but that. When Lewis finally went to trial, he did everything he could to paint himself as the victim. He even went so far as to say he would plead guilty to raping me so that a trial could be avoided but there was no way I was going to allow that. He never raped me! I decided I would take my chances at people finding out I was guilty of beating him and becoming what he was over letting him tell lies about me. When I took the stand at his trial, he kept saying we shared a bond that I wanted him. He tried to break me again but I didn't let him. I kept saying 'I did what I had to do to subdue you'."

Liv stopped the pacing and turned to look out the window again. She used the lights of the city she loved to focus her as she continued, "After I testified, I told Barba to take the deal. I knew the jurors didn't believe me. He wouldn't do it. He said there was no way Lewis could get around the questions he prepared…everyone would know he was guilty. But once again he surprised us by not taking the stand and moved to start closing arguments. I knew we were screwed. There is no way the jury would believe my testimony. The twisted lies he pushed during the closing arguments about me wanting him, about us partying together was almost too much for me. I almost lost it when they said he wasn't guilty on the attempted murder and rape charges but we did get him on the assault and kidnapping.

"Brian wanted to take me home but I told him I needed a few minutes first. He probably thought I wanted to talk to Barba but in reality I needed time alone. I ended up in one of the stairwells at the court house and finally broke down. All the work I had done for 15 years...all the victims I had helped and all the perps I helped put away didn't matter. My reputation was ruined. I let him get to me and I turned into one of them."

Elliot's heart was breaking for Liv. She had gone through so much without him. There was no way he could go back and change what happened but he would make sure that he spent the next fifty plus years loving and taking care of her like he should have been doing.

Olivia continued, "It seemed like things were just getting back to normal and then the bastard escaped from prison. When he called me after he escaped, I couldn't believe it. I thought I had put him behind me but I knew it wouldn't be over until he was dead and gone. Lt. Declan Murphy took over SVU since 1PP said I couldn't be in command while Lewis was loose. They even gave me a protection detail. I didn't want any of it but I didn't have a choice.

"Lewis kidnapped a 12-year old girl, Amelia, after brutalizing the rest of her family. He wanted me to admit I lied at the trial. I wanted to confess so that we could get Amelia back but Murphy was against it. I went ahead with the press conference any way but we didn't hear from Lewis. He eventually contacted me to meet him if I wanted to get Amelia back so I slipped the protection detail and went to him.

"He eventually took me to where he was holding Amelia. She was strung up by her arms but it didn't look like he had hurt her. He tied me to a table and then felt me up, kissed me but I didn't do anything...didn't say anything. It's not what he wanted. He couldn't get off on it so he changed his game from raping me to Russian roulette."

There were tears streaming down the faces of both Olivia and Elliot but neither paid any notice as Olivia continued recalling the events of that fateful day, "He took the first shot...nothing. He held a Glock on me and forced me to put his gun to my head. I was taking too long so he turned the gun on Amelia and told me to shoot. I'm not sure where I found the strength to pull the trigger but I did. I was lucky and no bullet but there was a part of me that wished the gun would have gone off. The pain would have finally stopped. I was so tired of talking about the abduction and torture, seeing the constant stares from people who thought I would lose it at any minute and dealing with Brian who that he was the injured party because he wasn't getting any."

"No!" Elliot shouted as he stood up and was cradling her against his chest before Liv even realized he moved. "Don't you ever say that again!" Elliot was shaking as he spoke, "Do you have any idea what your death would have done to Cragen, Fin…or me? Do you honestly think I could have lived knowing that bastard killed you? Liv, please tell me you still don't feel that way anymore about wanting to eat the bullet from Lewis?"

"I don't. Therapy has helped but what really made me realize I have so much more to live for was Noah. He was the one that truly brought me out of the dark place I was in," Liv said as she wiped the tears from Elliot's face. "El, I don't say any of this to hurt you. I'm just trying to explain where my head was."

El stared into Liv's beautiful face and took a moment to let her presence calm his racing heart. He finally said, "I know you don't sweetheart." He returned the favor and lovingly wiped her tears away. "Please continue."

Liv took Elliot's hand and led him back to the couch where they took up their previous positions. "Ahh…He took the gun again and taunted me...said even if he pulled the trigger and it went off people would think I did it. Another round of the game and we were both still alive. He pulled the trigger again and the lucky bastard got an empty chamber. I knew my life was over at that point but instead of him forcing me to shoot myself or even him shooting me; he took his own life right in front of me even though right up until the last second he made me think I was going to die. His blood splatter all over my face and Amelia screamed. I couldn't believe it. Even if I would have been killed, he set everything up to make it look like it was my fault. He probably would have gotten away with it too.

"The team found me right after Lewis shot himself. Unfortunately, Melinda couldn't confirm who actually shot Lewis. IAB didn't like my story of events but they wanted to do the right thing. I didn't trust anyone though. I had already compromised my principles once in regards with Lewis and I wasn't going to do it again. Of course the Brooklyn DA Strauss decided he didn't like the report from IAB so they called a grand jury investigation. Barba did everything he could to try to prevent it but he wasn't able to get through to the pompous idiots. I thought I had put the nightmare behind me but once again Lewis was turning my life upside down.

"Strauss wanted to use me to show NYPD wasn't above the law. He didn't care about anything or anyone. He even put Amelia in front of the grand jury investigation. The bastard put words into her mouth and made feel terrible. She didn't deserve to be put through any more pain. She was such a brave little girl through. Strauss wasn't having as much luck as he hoped showing that I was guilty so he started going after my beating of Lewis during my kidnapping. The juror that helped Lewis escape even testified. I don't know how that was even allowed but she painted a great picture of me as a vindictive cop out to kill Lewis.

"I thought it was over. I started my retirement paperwork so that I wouldn't lose my pension if I was indicted but it wasn't necessary because Murphy went to the wall for me. He told the grand jury that he ordered me to make the confession and he went on to tell the jury about the evil Lewis did and about me going in and saving that little girl. He reminded me so much of you at that point. His testimony made sure I wasn't going to be brought up on charges. I threw myself into work once I was cleared so that I could try and forget about everything. When Noah was placed in my custody, I finally started living again," Olivia said with a smile at the mention of the little boy.

At the conclusion of Liv's account of the events, Elliot took his turn at staring out the apartment window. His mind was racing. He couldn't understand why everything was kept from him. He finally exploded, "Dammit. I hate Cragen for not bringing me home when all this was happening."

"What?" Olivia asked.

Elliot closed his eyes briefly before he started talking, "I made Cragen swear he would look after you while I was gone. I wasn't going to be there to watch your back which made me extremely worried. The only way I could walk away and do the job was knowing that you would be ok. I also made him promise that if anything did happen they would get me out somehow." Elliot turned back around and looked at Liv with all the love he felt for her as he said, "The job could go to hell for all I cared. Cragen knew how important you were to me and there was no way I could live with myself if anything happened. Well as you know, he didn't keep that promise. I wasn't brought home...hell I wasn't even told about Lewis until my kids told me. To think I was enjoying extravagant meals with a bunch of criminals in Mexico while you were fighting for your live makes me sick."

"El, you can't blame yourself. You took the job to protect me in the first place. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself."

Elliot moved back over to the couch and cupped Liv's face before he stated, "Oh God. I know you did baby but you shouldn't have had to and I do blame myself. I should have been here. They should have brought me home. Cragen, Fin and the rest of the squad should have kept you safe. You shouldn't have had to go through what Lewis did to you. I wish to God I was here. I would have made sure that bastard never took you."

Liv covered his hand before she said, "El, we'll never know if you could have prevented Lewis from taking me or not. But the important part is that you are here now that is all that matters to me." She tried to lighten the mood as she said, "I bet you weren't always living the high life though."

El chucked as he said, "At least during the trial, I had a better excuse. I was in the hospital healing from a gunshot wound."

"El!" Liv cried.

"I know. I really need to learn how to duck or find a way to stop bullets like superman. I'm fine. It's just another scar to add to my list."

"I'll let you off the hook right now but I want to hear more about this later," Liv said as she pulled his hand from her cheek and intertwined their fingers.

"OK. I promise to tell you but only if you promise to kiss my boo boo.

Liv smiled as she said, "You have yourself a deal."

El turned serious again when he said, "But Liv, I know for damn sure I would have made sure Lewis never got you. I would have made sure you got home safely that night and I would have checked on you even if you were on vacation. Your current partner has a lot to learn what it means to be a partner. And on the off change that bastard did get a hold of you I wouldn't have stopped looking until I found you. And when I did that bastard, he wouldn't have made it out of that house alive."

Liv said, "Amaro is a good partner."

"I'm not so sure about that. He's got a lot to prove to me before I will trust him to look after you. And Cassidy better not come anywhere near you or me. He doesn't know how good he had it and he never will. I'm glad someone was here for you but he didn't take good enough care of you…none of them did. I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again."

"El, you can't honestly believe that. We know how bad this job can be and how fast shit happens. You can't be with me 24/7."

El leaned forward and kissed Liv's hands before he said, "As long as I'm still breathing, I will do everything I can to fulfill that promise even if that means having a discussion with Fin and the rest of your squad. Noah and I need you safe and sound."

At the sweet kisses and heart felt promise, Liv said, "I haven't told them yet."

"About us?" Elliot enquired.

"That or even that you are back," she nervously said.

"Liv, that's fine. I don't expect you to. When we are ready, we will tell them together. As for me being back, I assume the rumor mill will take care of that for us. I'm surprised they don't already know."

"Fin may know but he hasn't said anything. The others may not be able to put two and two together."

"When they do find out, we'll handle it together just like we always do." El said before he leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then rested his head against hers.

Elliot seemed to still want a relationship with Liv but she had to know for sure. "So we are still ok after everything I said? You still want to be with me knowing that I'm not the same Liv...knowing I'm broken..."

El pulled back slightly so that he could look fully into Liv's eyes and said, "Stop it! I never want to hear you say that about yourself again. You are not broken. Did you go through a very traumatic experience...hell yes! But it only shows how unbelievably strong you are. I said it when the discussion started and I'll say it again there is nothing you could say that would cause me to not want to be with you. I mean that with everything that I am. I know there are things we haven't discussed like the job that kept me away from you..."

Liv stopped him with, "Did you do anything illegal, take drugs or rape someone?"

El shook his head and said, "No."

This time it was Liv who cupped El's cheek and said, "Then we don't really have anything to work through. Do I want to know what you went through...yes but only so I can help you recover and deal with it. I'm not going to judge you...I wasn't there so I can't say whether handling it a different way would be better or not. In the end, you survived and brought down a major crime organization and saved hundreds of lives. That makes you a good man...a hero...my hero."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"That's my line," Liv said with a smile. "I would like to believe that all the good we have done has led us here and we finally get our little slice of happiness."

"It almost sounds like you believe, Liv."

"I don't know about believing in God but I believe in you so maybe."

"I'm not asking you to believe…just want to make that clear. I never want to change you."

"But you have...you started the day we met...but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Ditto," El said as he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Liv's lips and then pulled her into his arms. The night had been an emotional roller coaster and he needed to hold her to reassure himself that she was safe and sound.

Liv couldn't believe that after everything she said tonight Elliot still wanted to be with her. As she looked over El's shoulder she caught the time on a nearby clock. She couldn't believe how late it was. "Damn, I now understand why I feel so tired...it's way past my bed time."

Elliot chuckled as he said, "It may be a result of the marathon of events we just covered too."

"I knew it would take us awhile but I wanted to lay everything out there so you understood."

"I know and I'm honored you trust me enough to tell me about the things I've missed."

"There is no one I trust more," she whispered as she was drawn into the deep blue of El's eyes.

El was entranced by Liv too, "It's amazing I leave you for years and it only takes a few days to fall right back into step with each other. I'm just hopping it's not a dream."

"It's not a dream and now I know it wasn't your intention to leave me so it's been 'easy' to reconnect. It comes easy because we are soul mates. I use to laugh at people when they talked about them but now that I found mine I get it," Liv said.

"Soul mates...Partners for Life...I like the sound of that," Elliot replied with a smile on his lips.

"Me too."

"And I'm not going anywhere and your confession only makes me surer of why I need to be here. I'm not whole without you and the same can be said for you too. We've always been stronger when we are together. I'm so sorry that Don and Porter didn't pull me out when everything was going down. If I could I would go back and change that and prevent all the pain. Unfortunately we both know that isn't possible. I can only work on making sure that you have all the support and love you need right now and in the future. And I'm promising you right now that you will get everything you need."

Elliot wasn't sure how Liv would handle his next confession but he needed to be honest with her especially after everything she had told him tonight. "I have to tell you sweetheart that I spoke to Don this week to try and understand why he didn't tell you about the assignment and why he didn't pull me out when he did. He admitted he never had any plans to tell you about the job. He says he was trying to protect you. I don't know if I buy it or not and as much as it hurts I do think he was trying to do what he thought was best for you. Unfortunately he didn't know how deep our connection was or more importantly how deep yours was since I tried to make it absolutely clear to him what my intentions were. I do blame him and the others for not keeping you safe...I don't know when or if I'll be able to get past that. I entrusted them with the one person next to my kids that I can't live without and they failed to keep you safe. I know we'll never know if I would have done a better job but I would like to think I would. And I know I'm going to do everything I can to protect you now. You'll likely still get bumps and bruises because I won't be there by your side but if anyone even thinks about messing with you I will hurt them."

Liv knew Elliot was telling her the truth about his visit with Don but she still was having a hard time accepting what Cragen had done. "I'm not sure what to do about Cragen."

"I know and I can't believe I'm suggesting this since he pissed me off so much on Monday but I think you need to talk to him. He means a lot to you…and he once did to me too," Elliot replied with a sad smile.

"I know you are right but I don't know."

"Liv, it's totally up to you. I'm not going to push you one way or the other and I'll support whatever decision you make."

"I'll think about it but not tonight."

"OK," El said and then he continued with, "I know it's late so I should get out of here so you can get to bed." El stood up and helped Olivia to stand as well.

Before he could move towards the door, Liv took his hand and stopped his progress. "Do you need to get home to Eli?"

"No. He's at a slumber party tonight. I'll pick him up tomorrow afternoon."

"It's late. Why don't you stay then?" Liv asked.

Elliot wasn't sure how to respond to Liv's request so he tried a little humor as he replied, "I'm not sure I will fit on your couch."

"That's ok because I'm not asking you to stay there."

With Liv's words, Elliot's heart rate kicked into high gear. Was she really asking him to sleep with her? "Liv?"

Olivia's heart was also racing as she said, "It's been a while since I talked about these things which means I'm pretty sure tonight is going to suck. We are both adults so I'm sure we can share..."

Elliot realized she was asking him to sleep with her. He wanted to take things slow with Liv and he didn't know if he had that type of willpower if she was laying right next to me. "You have a lot of faith in me."

"And myself, trust me I want you just as much but I know we are not ready for that yet. However..."

Elliot was pleased to know that Liv wanted him just as much and in that moment he decided if she wanted him…needed him to stay then he would. "Shhh...Let's get the little guy into his crib so we can get some sleep," Elliot replied.

"Ok," Liv said as she led him to her bedroom.

Once in the room, El picked up Noah and carried him to his crib. The little guy was still so tired he didn't even realize he was being moved. Liv grabbed the baby monitor and made sure it was setup as El tucked him in. Both adults kissed Noah before moving back towards Liv's room.

As Elliot stood alongside the bed he realized he was in trouble,"Liv, I don't have anything to change into."

"You've got boxers on, right?" Olivia asked.

With a slight blush on his cheeks, El responded, "Yeah."

"Then you could sleep in them so you are more comfortable because I don't think you will fit into my pajamas." She said with a chuckle.

A soft moan escaped from Elliot at the visual Liv's words provided. He was eventually able to choke out an "OK" in response.

While she hadn't meant to entice Elliot, it was a heady sensation to know that she could arouse him with such a small comment. "I'm going to jump in the bathroom real quick," and with that comment she grabbed her sleepwear and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Elliot was contemplating how the hell he had gotten here but realized he didn't care. He was about ready to sleep in the same bed as Liv. His mind was running through a hundred different fantasies while he removed his shoes, socks and finally his pants. He quickly realized he needed to stop his chain of thoughts though or he was totally going to embarrassed himself. Liv must think he had the control of a saint to even suggest this. He couldn't say no though. He only hoped he would live through this night. He quickly removed his shirt and laid all of his clothes in a pile on the dresser. He left his t-shirt on in the hopes it would help keep his sanity by providing an additional barrier. He climbed into her bed and propped himself up against the headboard just in time to hear the bathroom door open and Liv emerged.

Elliot's heart stopped for a second before taking off in a gallop again. It was a crime to make a skimpy tank top and sleep pants look so good he thought. He was finding that it was hard to breathe now that she was making her way to the other side of the bed. Liv flicked the last light off and crawled into bed.

"I didn't take your side of the bed did I," Elliot asked.

"No you are good." With the light of the moon shinning in through the window, Liv took in El's appearance. She could hardly believe she had Elliot Stabler in her bed. She had to keep reminding herself this wasn't a dream and also that they needed to take things slowly. She had asked him to stay to ensure the nightmares wouldn't come or at least be there to help chase them away. Even though they were on the same page and they were in a relationship now, it didn't stop her body from wanting to jump him. Wasn't sixteen years enough time to wait but for once her mind won out over her body or at least she thought so until she heard herself ask, "El, you don't seem like a t-shirt kind of guy. Do you normally wear one to bed?"

"No," Elliot stuttered out.

"Then lose the shirt, El." She said with a smirk in her voice. They were going to take it slow if it killed her but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy it too.

"OK," he responded as he shed his shirt and threw it on to the floor and slid down into bed on his back.

The sight of his bare torso almost made her resolve crumble but the yawn that escaped her mouth reminded her they needed to rest after the long night they had gone through. When they did take the next step she wanted to me fully awake to enjoy every second. "Goodnight, El," she said and turned away from him to lay on her side.

"Goodnight, Liv. Sweet Dreams."

"Definitely tonight."

El continued to lay on his back staring at the ceiling. He didn't dare move. He had waited so long to get to this point he didn't want to give Liv any reason to kick him out. However the next thing El felt was Liv turning back towards him and taking his hand. With his hand securely in hers, she turned back on her side causing Elliot to roll to his side and spoon her from behind.

Liv knew the new position was likely going to make things hard for Elliot but she had quickly realized laying there she needed some form of contact with the man. She only hoped he wouldn't be mad as she asked, "Is this ok?"

"Of course sweetheart. Night Liv." He said with a kiss to the back of her neck.

Liv suppressed the moan that was threatening to escape her mouth and said, "Night, El." Leave it to El to find one of the most sensitive spots on her body. Thankfully being exhausted and feeling completely safe for the first time in years calmed her mind and allowed Liv to fall asleep within minutes.

Elliot could feel when Liv had slipped off to dreamland. He figured it would be ages before he would drift off too since he was trying his best to categorize and memorize everything. But the relief that their talk had provided along with the smell, taste and feel of Liv was too much and he joined her in the land of magic.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes:** I had a couple different ideas for this chapter but decided to go with this version. Hopefully it's not too sweet for everyone. The reviews have been amazing!

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Law & Order: SVU but that role is still held by Dick Wolf. I own nothing but the crazy idea for the story and all grammar errors.

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><p>Apartment of Olivia Benson<p>

Manhattan, New York

Saturday, September 27

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><p>While she tried to fight it, Olivia gradually became aware of her surroundings. When she finally opened her eyes, she took in the wide expanse of Elliot's chest which had become her pillow at some point during the night. They had managed to intertwine their bodies as well. Liv's right leg was caught between Elliot's legs with her knee precariously close to a very intimate part of El. His right hand had found its way down the back of Liv's sleep pants while his other hand rested on top of her hand located on top of his heart.<p>

Olivia was trying to memorize every sensation and enjoy the calm before another hectic day at the office. Elliot felt incredible to Liv and she couldn't get over how amazing he smelled too. He was a heady mix of sweat and cocky masculine man. The feel and smell was quickly getting to her and she shifted her legs to try and alleviate the intensifying ache in her core which resulted in her knee brushing against El causing a deep groan from him.

"Good morning, El," she said with a chuckle.

"It certainly is. How did you sleep?" He replied. He couldn't believe how good Olivia felt in his arms. He never wanted to let her go.

With Elliot now awake, Liv let her fingers wander around his massive chest but didn't respond to his question. She had seen his upper body before but never this close nor had she had the pleasure of running her fingers across it. His chiseled pecks and washboard abs should be illegal. The man was in even better shape than she remembered from their days as partners. Her fingers rubbed over the different scars which only made him look sexier to her. They were proof of his commitment to her and the victims he tried so very hard to fight for. With each second that passed, she became bolder in her ministries as she grazed his nipples before moving further down to his abs which rippled under her touch. She was amazed at the power she could feel but El made no attempt to stop her exploration. The low groan from El let her know that he was enjoying her ministries too.

Enjoying was probably not the right word. Elliot was slowly losing his mind. He wanted to remain still to allow her to become familiar with his body...to know that he would never force or hurt her. While the pleasure was becoming unbearable, he never wanted her to stop either. With each passing moment, the need to give her as much pleasure as she was granting him was growing. He needed to focus on her to prevent himself from acting like a teenager and embarrassing himself by exploding. "Oh God, Liv. You have to stop."

Liv was lost in her exploration of El though. None of her other lovers had the body that he had…so hot and hard. The pleasure caused by her fingers was amplified when she leaned forward and tasted his flesh. She physically ached for him and needed him to ease the tension building within her.

"Liv, please," Elliot choked out while grabbing her hand which stilled her immediately. She ventured a look up towards his face for the first time this morning and she could see his head was thrown back, his eyes squeezed shut and his chest was heaving as he tried to regain control of his body.

Liv gave El a few minutes before she ventured to say, "I'm sorry, El."

Elliot immediately opened his eyes and looked down into the beautiful face of Liv. She was biting her lip since she wasn't sure what she should do. "Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for and I'm not sorry at all. I loved every minute of it but I know you have to go into work today and if I let you finish what you started there is no way I would let you out of this bed...nevermind this apartment. Plus we should probably check on Noah." And on cue, the two adults could hear that Noah was awake in his crib. Elliot laughed before he continued, "See, it's a known fact that children always know when their parents are having too much fun so it was inevitable we were going to be interrupted."

Olivia's heart leapt at Elliot's words...their parents...it was music to her ears. While Liv was Noah's foster mom, what she really wanted was to be his mother and she hoped that one day El would want to be his father too. "Why don't I go check on Noah and see what I can find for breakfast while you take a few more minutes to get under control. Feel free to take a shower if you want too," Liv said. Before she could pull away and get out of bed, El sat up and drew her in for a quick kiss.

As he pulled away from the all too brief meeting of lips he said, "Hmmm...definitely the best way to start the morning. Now go check on Noah so I can get up and grab a quick shower."

A slightly dazed Olivia replied, "Ok."

El watched Liv walk out of the bedroom before flopping back down on to the bed. Damn she was gorgeous he thought and he finally knew exactly how good she felt especially her ass which he had had been staring at for years. He knew he needed to calm down after waking up to the most exquisite feeling of not only have Olivia in his arms but having her run her hands all over his body. He didn't want her to stop but they needed to take things slow and he was just about ready to embarrass himself when they stopped. He moved into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As he ducked under the shower head, Elliot let loose a string of curses as the cold water cascade over his body in an attempt to calm down.

Meanwhile, Olivia had found Noah wide awake, standing in his crib and ready to face the day. "Good morning, Noah. How is my sweet boy this morning?"

Noah gave Liv a toothy grin as she lifted him up into her arms.

"Let's get your diaper changed and then we'll find something to eat for breakfast," Olivia said as she moved over to the changing table and made quick work of changing Noah. "Oh such a good boy holding still for mommy. Noah, there is someone here who can't wait to see you. That's right, Elliot is here. He tucked you in last night but you were so tired you didn't even wake up but don't worry he didn't take any offensive. There we go. All done. Now let's go see what's in the kitchen." Liv picked Noah up and walked into the kitchen. After looking through the refrigerator, she decided to make eggs and toast for breakfast. As she pulled the eggs out, she heard El come out of the bedroom.

"There's my big guy," Elliot said as he came into the kitchen.

Olivia turned towards Elliot to see that he was freshly showed, dressed in his suit pants and shirt with a day of stubble growth on his face and a large smile on his face at the sight of Noah in Liv's arms. She thought he looked incredible. When Noah saw Elliot, he lunged forward out of Liv's arms and El easily caught the boy and swung him up into a hug.

"Missed me did you, Noah. That's good because I missed you too," Elliot said as Noah wrapped his arm around El's neck and snuggled into his shoulder.

Liv's heart soared at the exchange between her two men. Noah hadn't taken to anyone as quickly as he had with El. It appeared she wasn't the only one who had missed Elliot over the last week. She now knew that her heart wasn't the only one that would break if their relationship wouldn't work out. However she was committed to make things work between El and herself because there was no way she could live without him.

With Noah in his arms, El leaned over to peck Liv on the lips. Now that they were together, he was going to take every opportunity to show her how much he loved and wanted her.

"Scrambled eggs and toast sound ok?" Olivia asked after she pulled back from the kiss.

"It sounds great," Elliot replied as he pulled Liv into his arms as well. He couldn't stop from kissing or touching her in some way. Liv didn't appear to mind either since she went willingly into his arms which placed Noah between the two adults.

"Good. Why don't you take a seat with Noah while I whip everything up real quick," Olivia said as she rubbed Noah's back and placed a kiss on his head.

"Are you sure? I can be pretty handy around the kitchen," Elliot replied with a smile on his face. He loved seeing the bond between Noah and Liv. She may not be Noah's biological mother but she loved him just as much as if he was.

"I'm sure. I promise not to poison us plus this way you can spend some time with Noah and keep him entertained until breakfast is ready."

"Sounds like a plan," he said before giving Liv another kiss and letting her go.

El took a seat at the breakfast bar and played peek-a-boo with Noah. "So I heard Judge Briggs overruled the guilty verdict in the Evie Barnes case."

Olivia stiffened at the mention of the case she lost yesterday. She knew they couldn't win all of them but this one should have resulted in a rapist being put behind jail. "Yeah. I still can't believe he set aside the guilty verdict due to lack of evidence. He had the nerve to tell Miss Barnes that her no may not have truly meant no in this incident. Barba is filing an appeal but it's too late. Evie is missing."

Elliot looked up from playing with Noah and said, "What?"

"Her mother came to us a few hours after we left the courthouse and said she never came home and isn't answering her phone. She showed us a video Evie made which said because she chose to work in porn, she was raped and one of the rapist went free because the judge didn't believe her. At the end of the video, she said goodbye. Rollins and Carisi are trying to track down Evie now."

Elliot shook his head and said, "Damn."

"Dodds also paid me a visit yesterday before Evie's mom showed up. I got my ass handed to me for going to see the president at Hudson. He thinks I have an agenda and that I need to pick my battles and stick to my job instead of trying to get into politics."

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry," El said as he placed Noah in his high chair for breakfast.

Before she responded, Olivia placed a plate of food in front of Elliot and took a seat next to him. "It's not your fault. It just pissed me off that he thinks I have an agenda when it's clear to see that he doesn't care about the victims and he is actually the one with an agenda. Luckily I had a date with a gorgeous man last night. He helped me forget about the case for a while. Hopefully Rollins has found Evie by now and we can finish the paperwork on the case today."

"I hope so too. I wouldn't call last night a date though. You deserve so much better," El said with a mouth full of eggs.

Liv chuckled at the sight of both Elliot and Noah chowing down on their breakfast. It appeared her cooking was improving if both boys were enjoying the food. "Oh I don't know. I remember some pretty great moments from last night like the kiss when you first got here and falling asleep with your body wrapped around mine. You know I was convinced I was going to have nightmares after talking about everything last night but I haven't slept so well in...I don't know how long."

Elliot was quite pleased at Liv's words and it could easily be seen in the cocky expression on El's face as he said, "Those were some pretty great moments but I still think you deserve a proper date."

Liv looked into El's sexy eyes hoping to convey how much she wanted to spend time alone with him without the pressure of their jobs or the responsibility of their children, "Well this girl won't argue with you. I would love to go out with you. I'm just worried that with our schedules it may be a while before we can get away."

Elliot was lost in her eyes as he said, "You may have a point there but can I at least tempt you into having dinner with me and the family tomorrow night at my house. It's Mo's birthday on Tuesday so we are all getting together tomorrow night to celebrate."

"El, I don't want to intrude on your family time," Liv responded as she stood up to start clearing the dishes.

Elliot swiveled in his chair and took hold of Liv's free hand and pulled her between his legs. He took the plate out of her other hand and laid it on top of his before taking her other hand in his. He waited until she was looking at him and then said, "Liv, you are family. If you are worried about what the kids think, don't. I'm going to talk to Eli today after I pick him up and as for the others I'll be in deep trouble if you are not there."

Olivia wanted to say yes but she didn't want to come between El and his kids. "I don't know."

Elliot squeezed Liv's hands and gave his best puppy dog face that he knew Liv couldn't refuse, "Please. Eli is dying to see Noah and you and so are the rest of the kids. Mo specifically asked me to make sure you were there."

"Well I can't really turn down a request from the birthday girl," Liv said or from you she thought.

"That's my girl!" Elliot replied as he released Liv's hands and moved his arms to wrap around her waist pulling her closer to him.

Liv moved her arms to wrap around his neck. "What time do you want us there?"

"I would love it if you were there at any time but everyone plans to show up around 4pm and dinner is at 5:30."

"Ok," she said. "Should I bring anything for dinner?"

Liv used her fingers to run through the hair on the back of Elliot's neck which caused him to lose his train of thought due to the pleasure her caress was causing. He eventually replied, "All you need to bring is Noah and yourself. I have everything else covered."

"Ok," she said before she leaned down and gave into her need to kiss Elliot. She tried to keep things light but her need for him was too great. She ran her tongue across the seam of El's lips which elicited a growl from deep within him. El opened his mouth and Liv gladly slipped her tongue in to tangle with his. Liv placed her right hand on El's stubble covered cheek while the fingers of her other hand scraped along the small hairs on the back of his neck holding him exactly where she wanted him. As Liv pulled back from the hungry kiss for much needed air, she bit lightly on El's lower lip causing a groan from him. Liv went to move back in for another deep kiss when the banging from Noah finally registered in her ears.

Liv placed her forehead on El's and looked down into his handsome face. Both were trying to slow down their racing hearts and pull in much needed air into their lungs. Elliot ran his tongue over his lips and said, "Hmmm...You taste so good but if we keep this up we are going to end up back in bed and we both have places we need to be today."

Liv moaned at the visual from Elliot before she said, "Yeah but I have to tell you I like your idea much better than going into work."

"I do too but if I don't pick up Eli he won't forgive me. Why don't you go get ready and I'll work on getting our little drummer here dressed," Elliot said.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked. It was likely that if it wasn't for Noah's banging on the high chair that marvelous kiss would have turned into a total make out session.

"Yes...go," Elliot finally released her and pushed her towards the bedroom.

"Ok," Liv whispered as she reluctantly moved away from El. She looked back one last time at El before disappearing into her room.

Elliot watched Liv until she was out of his view and then turned to Noah to work on cleaning him up and dressing him for the day. Elliot had just finished changing Noah, when Lucy knocked and walked through the front door.

While Lucy had yet to meet Elliot, it was obvious from Olivia's description who the man was that was currently holding Noah. "Hi, you must be Elliot.

"Guilty as charged. Lucy?" Elliot asked.

Lucy smiled and said, "Guilty as well. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Likewise. Liv is just finishing up getting ready and I'm heading out too but this little guy is all ready to play," Elliot said.

"No worries. I know you both would much rather be with this little guy but someone needs to keep us all safe," Lucy replied as she took off her jacket.

"Definitely. I'm just going to tell Liv bye since you are here now. Noah, you be a good boy for Lucy now," Elliot said as he kissed Noah on the head and handed him over to Lucy.

Elliot could see Noah was in good hands before he walked into Liv's room and closed the door so they had a little privacy. Liv exited the bathroom to find El turned closing the door. While, Liv already had her pants and blouse on, she hadn't buttoned up the blouse yet which meant Elliot had a tantalizing view of her lace covered breasts and bare stomach.

"El?" Liv questioned.

At the beautiful view in front of him, Elliot's brain short circuited. He finally responded, "Uh...Lucy is here so I was just going to say bye before taking off."

"Oh great," Liv said.

Elliot walked up to Liv. "Looks like you need a little help here Sergeant," El said as he ran the back of his fingers along the visible skin of Liv's stomach.

Liv had forgotten about her shirt being unbuttoned and now with El's fingers caressing her skin she could barely breathe let alone talk, "Hmmm...I forgot..."

Elliot used his hand not caressing Liv to silence her with a finger against her lips, "Shh...I know we haven't talked about the physical aspect of our relationship but I know we shouldn't rush it. God, I want you so much but I want to get to know everything about you...what you like...what drives you crazy...You deserve to be wooed. I want our first time to be special. When we finally take that step, I don't want there to be any doubt in either of our minds of how much we need...want...each other."

"I know and I agree El but I got to tell you it's hard. I want to take it slow to make sure we don't screw things up but I also need you more with every passing minute," Liv replied. She didn't know how much more she could take.

Elliot smirked at her words. "Oh it's hard all right but it's going to be worth it," Elliot said as he buttoned Liv's blouse up. As he reached the final button, he moved his arms to pull her into his chest for a hug and then gave her a sweet kiss before letting her go. "Stay safe today. I'll see you tomorrow."

El continued to stare into Liv's face as she said, "Tell Eli I said hi."

With each passing second, it was becoming harder and harder for Elliot to find the resolve to leave Olivia. He finally forced out, "I will. I'm going to get out of her so you can finish getting ready and get to work."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow," she said and leaned into him for one last quick peck on the lips.

Elliot finally turned from Liv and left the apartment with a smile on his face. He couldn't wait to spend tomorrow with his children, Noah and Liv.


End file.
